The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi, I'm new here. I've been to meetings once or twice over the years and I plan to begin again. My husband of 6 years is an alcoholic. in July began his most recent round of residential treatment and was sober for 4 months. The longest it's ever been. It was wonderful. I mean -- everything I've been waiting for. We have an almost 3 year old. DH is, when sober, a stellar dad and a great man. smart, funny, sweet - all of it. Lately he's fallen off the wagon and finding every reason under the sun to drink again. He is on the brink of losing his job, which he loves, so he is putting himself in an outpatient program for the month of January. In the meantime, he has found 2 other days where his answer was to drink. I can't do this again. Once our son was born, I found the strength to stand firm and no longer enable. I had boundaries for our home/life and I stood by them. He seemed to respect it and start down the road to getting the help he needed finally after 2 years. But now, with it seeming to start up again, I feel like I am stuck because financially I just cannot get another place for my son and I. DH is not abusive, so staying until the rental agreement is up this summer is not the end of the world but I hate this. I hate him when he drinks. He is NOT a person I want to be around.
On one hand I am venting; but on the other hand, I am hoping to see any similar situations where there was a positive outcome (either due to staying OR leaving). I just want to hear your stories and what you did, no matter how hard the work was to get the happy/healthy ending. I am no stranger to struggle.
Welcome to MIP - so glad you found us and glad you shared. I totally understand the 'stuck feeling' - child, home, responsibilities, combined everything - that was me too. I actually hid his behavior for a long while, and felt shame, remorse, guilt, etc. and tried to be mom & dad for my children. Needless to say, I wasn't successful even though I continued for a long while.
Eventually, my AH ended up having 2 heart attacks and other health issues so he has slowed way, way down....and I stayed and worked this program and set up boundaries and learned to detach with love. You can too - the answer for your future is 'yet to be seen/known' so one day at a time, go to the meetings, work the program, understand the disease and do 'for you' vs. for us.
I have found peace and joy in spite of still living with my AH (and 2 A Sons for a long while). For me, the answers came through working on me, and changing me. How I feel, how I act, how I react, and basically staying on my side of the street.
HTH - find meetings, get some phone numbers and choose you. Don't worry about summer, treatment, recovery, etc. Just put you first one day at a time and see what happens. (((Hugs))) - Keep coming back here too - you are not alone!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Welcome Theresa I am glad that you intend to attend alanon face to face meetings once again, It is here you will connect with others who, understand as few others can and who will share their experience, strength and hope so that you can develop new and constructive tools to live by.
The meetings also provide great informative literature that will also enrich your experience. There is help and hope
Theresa, once you begin the Al-Anon program you may find that your need to take flight will not be so all encompassing. Give the program six months and then see how you feel.
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
Thank you all for your replies. The new day has brought some calm and some perspective. I will definitely find some local Al-Anon meetings to attend. I asked him today if this was all starting again he said no, today is a new day. Whether that is true for him or not, it is for me. I will see how well I can keep to my "side of the street" as you put it @iamhere. I will try to put in 6 months of meetings. I will do my part for my son and I. Beyond that, we will see if I still choose to leave. Six years of working on this has been tiring. Those of you with 20, 30+ into these relationships are warriors, that's for sure.
Welcome what2do, alanon is a great program
with or without the alcoholic. Its all About you
getting better on the inside.
My xah was not active, it still was in many
Ways a 30 year alcoholic marriage.
I hope you enjoy your ftf meetings, go with
An open mind. I just sat and listened, learned
And absorbed for a long time. You do not need
To speak till you are ready.
