The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So a quick recap of my situation is that my 3 children's dad is addicted to drugs (heroin) and has been for years now. He has been to rehab for 6 months, various shorter stints and tried to detox at home himself numerous times...
Needless to say none of it has worked.
He used to have contact with his children but then i learned that he was not the responsible user around his children I thought he was. He doesn't inject just to have that said.
So I stopped contact, and he refuses supervised contact, he wants to have the children visit his mum for weekends, but he lives there too .
BUT again he is going to do a detox and I've tried to say that if he gets clean he can have them of course... but he says I put too much pressure on him by saying things like this...
We've been divorced 4 or 5 years I should get in here too. I feel I need to give him an ultimatum, and if that doesn't do it, nothing will, because he keeps thinking he can be just a little bit of a heroin user, he just doesn't like it when it gets out of hand....
Also pointing out that he has always worked and I think his drug use is self medicating, I'm pretty sure he is bipolar...but I'm really lost.
Our kids think I'm making this all up, I've explained as best I can considering their ages, and that i'm horrible for not letting them go and stay there, but he doesn't reaise that I could lose my children if i did....
Hi, I think you are doing well in protecting your kids. Is your MIL a responsible person? What does your divorce decree say you can legally do? Is he a danger to the kids? (I'm assuming he is, but the kids haven't seen it in him?)
You are the responsible mom. Get to AlAnon meetings and find other people (women and men) who are in the same predicament as you find yourself. You can bounce ideas off them and see what will work for your situation.
I also believe Al-Anon meetings would be great for you at this time. Welcome to MIP!
Meetings provide such great support locally with others who have similar experiences. In my world here, ultimatums made no difference in actions, just improved the lies of my qualifiers and made me more negative and miserable.
The Al-Anon program will help you set boundaries to protect you and your children. The program will also assist with a deeper understanding of the disease as well as give you tools to view and act differently than before. There are Nar-Anon meetings too in most locations if you believe that might also benefit.
You and your children are worthy of a better way of living. The disease is far-reaching and powerful. Choose help and support now and I think you'll get more answers and support than you ever hoped for!!
Glad you are here - keep coming back!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
