The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
C2C reading 12-26 speaks about having choices. In alanon we learn not to be door mats but to get up off the floor, and make a choice for ourselves. We are not victims and we do have a choice in every situation. We must resist the temptation to blame others but to look to ourselves for my part and see how I can respond differently.
The quote is from, Living with Sobriety: " I would do well to accept the challenge to look to my own recovery before I spent any more of my precious life wishing that the alcoholic would change.
I always thought, in the beginning of AlAnon, that looking into my own part was to tear myself apart looking for faults. It was a dark place to go to. Instead I learned to look at my choices and I could look at it a lot more positively. I could look at option A and option B and option C and not judge them so harshly but just look at where they would bring me in the end. This is a much more positive way to live.
Welcome back Betty - I hope you Christmas was super!
I spent so much time before Al-Anon trying to impose my will, my way and my 'solutions' on my qualifiers. And then I was angry, resentful and blaming others when things/people did not do my way or go my way. The program has taught me that looking at me, my choices, my patterns, my fears, insecurities, faults, etc. is necessary to identify and later release for growth, peace and finding a different way.
When there are disease flair-ups in my life, I have learned to pause and see what part I am playing or did play. It's not my job to look at any other person's actions, faults, mis-steps, defects. Until I learn to own my own stuff and then change what I am doing that contributes, it's difficult for peace. The program has taught me to respect others, work on me and have plans for my life, my joy, my future and my happiness.
The program has taught me that I am not a failure if I have faults. Instead, I am human and imperfect, and mistakes are side-steps for growth. I choose to have empathy for m qualifiers, and instead of judge them, pray for them. I choose to work my program no matter what anyone else is doing or is not doing. I try to give every chance for chance and growth to me that I've given to others. I accept my human form with all perfections and just do my best - nothing more and nothing less.
The program has given me the freedom to do things different and not blame others and feel like a victim. I no longer believe in the victim role but instead believe in volunteering. I can choose to walk away, ignore, listen, pray, meditate, etc. Life today for me is all about choices.
A lovely reading - thank you Betty for the daily and for the ESH!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks for the reading, there is a line in a film whereby the mother character states "Life shouldn't be like this" to which her son replies "Life doesn't have to be like anything" It is so true because we have choices, responsibility for those choices and the consequences they bring.
Looking back to my pre Al-Anon days and in my early recovery I always looked to blame my unhappiness, dissatisfaction, anger or resentment on others. Now I am always reminded that I have choices, life is not something done to me rather something I can participate actively in and it is only me and my attitudes that I can choose.
For so long I thought that in order to have peace I had to go along with actions/activities that I did not enjoy and therefore feel resentful or totally absent myself from those I did not agree with leading to isolation. A very black/white approach - very self -righteous because I could blame my loneliness or unhappiness on others.
Al-Anon has taught me about choice, my choice does not make others right or wrong - simply different, I am responsible for my choices and they theirs - no judgement needs to be involved, we can simply agree to disagree - how wonderfully freeing!
