The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well im 44 yo and in the process of divorcing my ah of 17 yrs. Im currently in a guest bedroom at my parents home on christmas eve. I am living with friends but decided they shoukd have family time i graciously agreed to.let my ah have our daughter for christmas eve and the next mirning as he has been going to church regularly and trying to.straighten up his life. As you may know, two mnths ago i found confirmation of yet another affair and decided that was the last straw. A month ago.we started working with a divorce mediator and three weeks ago i moved out. That said. . In11 years ihave not spent a christmas eve withput my child across the hall. Setting oresents under the tree from Santa. . Sometimes with the help from hub sonetimes not cuz of his hangover from a previous night. . My.hear aches formy daughter as i can only imagine how awkward this is for her that said, i heve no tears left tonight. Ive made my decision and i forge ahead. When i took my daughter to husb today wewere cordial and he was teaful. He knows he screwed up and has lost his wife yeti find i strangly hurt for him. . I struggle to.know that he wll be alone christmas day and nite. He has no family he is close to and now ihave left too and 50% of the time his daughter is gone too. . .I knowim right to.leave. The last five years his drinking has been more than dishonorable. .Hes had two admitted affairs and one that was of years on and off with a neighbor friend. I know its over. But i find i STILL think of HIM more than ido myself. In the end, im the stronger healthier person so invariablly i worry about him i feel guilt, shame, regret. . All that i worry about him. I have yet to understand how this whole alcohlic/narcissitic cycle has invaded my thinking and life. Yet i see in a way it truly has. . Imay not be phsyically sharing space with him but even ifhe does continue to go to.church, attend cel recovery mtgs and clean up his life. . This cycle, this odd way of living, of coping of exsisting has invaded my life my being. . Andon Christmas Eve. . Im in my parents guest room. My daughters not across the hall. I didnt set cookies out for Santa, my life is upside down. . Yet i cant cry. . .
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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
Wishing you peace and serenity this holiday and with time you will be able to cope better
with the decisions that you had to make. I find that with the difficult decisions comes
a greater understanding that we can not have everything, so I look for the the greater
gifts that God has given me.
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
I think all of that craziness creeps up on us - I remember I used to think 'oh it will be ok once 'x' is sorted out', then 'y' comes along, and so on, until my brain needed retraining to think about nice stuff instead of problems. Better thinking creeps up on us as well me-thinks, just takes practice and the building up of good 'future' memories.
Been thinking of you and am pleased to see you here. Big ((((((HUGS))))))
