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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Holiday argh
Post Info TOPIC: Holiday argh
Mattie


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Holiday argh
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Although my ex-AH never went into longterm recovery, he is a binge drinker, so generally I don't have to deal with his drinking.  He goes long periods between binges, and during the binges he just doesn't surface, so the drinking isn't in my face.  We have to see each other because of our child, but he has managed to keep drinking out of sight for a number of years.

I think that's ended now.  We've done friendly Christmases together for about eight years.  For the first time, I'm apprehensive about what state he's going to be in if he shows up tomorrow (Christmas day).  He's been writing me erratic email that doesn't make much sense, and he failed to show up to deliver some presents, and he failed to show up a second time to take our child Christmas shopping.  He's not answering his phone, and it takes him around two days to reply to an email, and then his reply evades the crucial questions (like "Are you coming to take our child Christmas shopping, or is that cancelled?")

So I'm facing the fact that he's on a binge and it's gotten bad enough that, unlike past episodes, he's not managing to hide the symptoms.  Unfortunate timing.

But I'm really apprehensive about him showing up tomorrow when I have a house full of guests, in goodness knows what kind of state.  I'm not afraid to send him away, but if so he will be argumentative (not violent, but pushy and whiny and loud and weird), and make a scene.

It's been a stressful month and I wish this were not happening.  As I reflected earlier today, alcoholism is the craziness that keeps on giving.

I just wanted to vent.  I know you all understand, and I thank you.



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Theoceancalls


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All i can say is i free this to.be my future. I think.its why im only now starting the div proceess at 17 yrs and one 11 yo child mixed in. At least when we were "together" i faked it through for the sake of everyone and for the lost part everyone else did too, but niw i see that although i though it was control might gain back im just entering anoter phase of being out of control and journeying onto yet another road on the alcohlic highway. . I will think of you. Tomorrow morning i am going to.my former "home" to exchange some gifts with daughter that her dad helped her get for me. .And then she and i will be leaving. Im anxious as all get out what it will be like to go into that space, gather her things for her stay with me and then try to leave. . I feel your pain, anxiety and struggle.

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andromeda


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Ugh, Mattie, I'm sorry. I guess I should be grateful that my holidays are small celebrations and that I don't choose to spend time with my xah. Vent away, my friend. I hope that tomorrow turns out well and that your fears won't come to fruition. I have no real words here and no experience with this specifically, so I can only say that I'm thinking of you and sending you virtual hugs and love tonight and tomorrow!

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Mirandac


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Mattie sending you a christmas hug
And i hope he behaves.

((((((( mattie))))))

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Debb


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Wishing you a peaceful Christmas holiday Mattie.

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does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown

Debbie
pinkchip


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Sorry Mattie. Thinking of you and the kiddo. Hope you have a peaceful and drama free christmas as much as possible.

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YARNCRAZY


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sending u hugs also

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ALYCE R KINIKIN
Jerry F


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Also thinking of the kiddo...don't put them in a vehicle with a drunk...just saying...I know you know. Elsewise remember that God Is and is with you. ((((hugs)))) smile

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Iamhere


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Mattie -

My hope is the day is also 'done' for you and thank it was great/lovely. I have to agree - this is the 'gift' that keeps on giving.

(((Hugs))) for you and your child and I also believe that you're not alone in this situation - you got your HP and you got us!



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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
maryjane


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I have great faith in you that you absolutely know what to do. I hope for your sake that it gets resolved and you don't have to live in this limbo for very long.

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maryjane
Mattie


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Thank you all.  He showed up early in the morning, which is usually when he is relatively sober.  Then after a while he said, "I have some oranges I want to give you, I'll go back to my house for them."  I said, "We have a ton of oranges, we actually have too many, don't go get any more."  I had forgotten that this is his method, to claim he has to go get something and then to get a drink.  I didn't think about it until he kept insisting he wanted to give me oranges!  Eventually instead he decided he needed some coffee, and he went and got a cup with a lid from some coffee place, which took a very long time, apparently, and then he carried the cup possessively for the rest of the day.  Well, I knew what was in that cup.  He was outrageously extroverted and talkative, which is unlike him, but not over the top into inappropriateness.  I kept tabs on it so that I would know when it was time to ask him to leave, but he ate fast and then left early, so disaster was avoided.  At one point he cornered one guest and talked his ear off on boring subjects when the poor guy couldn't get a word in edgewise.  But I know the other guy is an alcoholic with 30 years' recovery, so I figured it was probably karma for something he had done to someone back in the day, so I wasn't too aggravated!  That's a bonus to having some lingering resentment towards alcoholics, you're less bothered when one of them gets cornered by another alcoholic.  smile

I had all my Al-Anon tools with me, including having a Plan B, doing the next right thing, lowering my expectations, and taking care of myself. Also I did not bring up any of the crazy-making behavior, failed promises, forgetfulness or bizarre statements he's made over the past few days.  That was a challenge but I knew it wouldn't do any good so I held my tongue.  Arguing with an alcoholic - I'm done with that!  Thank you all again!



-- Edited by Mattie on Saturday 26th of December 2015 03:29:18 PM

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