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I don't drink almost ever. I did as a teen but do not enjoy being out of control or feeling sick and useless the next day. My parents were big drinkers one still is the other stopped for health reasons. My husband and his uncle are and his father was alcoholic. His father joined AA and stopped drinking his uncle continues despite great cost to his life and health. My husband drinks and disappears and we fight and he quits and whether it's a day or week or even month eventually his attitude changes from love and resolve to not drink it turns into I won't let him drink. I've never said that because I don't want to be that person, I've only ever said I can't be with you if you drink.
Friday he disappeared and wouldn't answer. He came home last night and I find he was at a bar and then got a hotel room Friday night. I can't believe how much it hurts and what a surprise it is when it's happened so many times before.
As angry as I am when he's gone and ignoring me no matter how sure I am we are done, it hurts when he comes back and tells me you should go too I don't care. I should go on my own because he doesn't want to invite me with him. It hurts so much and at the same time it's so hard to give up. I don't think he really means that. I'd rather believe the crying and remorse but over 17 years the sorry times have gotten shorter. To the point where he says now it doesn't happen very often (admittedly less and less throughout the years) but really is asking for it not to happen at all really asking too much ?? We argue about what's normal and whose wrong and are almost at the point where we don't have the energy or care to fight. Like we are almost dead but I was so much to fix it and I don't think he will get on board until it's too late. I think if I really did take up with someone else he'd change his tune but it seems wrong and mean to lead someone else on but am so lonely sometimes it's very hard to remember why I shouldn't just go drink as much as possible and accept someone else's attention. It won't fix it which is what I want but maybe it can't be fixed anyway and am waiting my life in misery and running out of time. How do I know if he will be like his dad and actually quit for real or like his uncle and my parent who will never stop?? Any words of advice or hope would be appreciated. Thanks for listening.
Welcome Monkeylostinlove You are not alone and the good news is that there is hope and help. Please check out alanon face to face meetings held in most communities and listed in the white pages. It is here I learned that alcoholism is a disease over which I was powerless . If this is true, then the best I can do is turn the focus on myself and reclaim my self esteem and self worth
Hurt and feeling hopeless is a normal feeling for the victims of this disease and so you are being normal and need to get around others who will treat you like you wish to be treated and who will help you understand what is going on because they have been where you are at now and survived it whether their alcoholics and or addicts got clean and sober or not. The other false feeling I had was "helpless" ...hurt and helpless until I found the program and learned that we are not helpless at all. Getting to where the winners are (in the face to face meeting rooms of the Al-Anon Family Groups) changed that real well. Hopeless is temporary...just keep reading the posts here present and past and you will hear the stories. Welcome to the board...keep coming back. ((((hugs))))
Welcome to MIP monkeylostinlove - glad you found us and glad you are here.
Nobody knows the path another will take or the journey they will travel. The best that I can offer is that you choose your own path, a different one, that brings you peace and joy.
Al-Anon can provide you with a program, tools, fellowship and support to understand the disease and then help yourself make the best of what you choose to do.
Join us and choose you. Keep coming back - you are not alone and there is hope!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
