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I am expecting my second child in a few weeks and I'm starting to feel overcome with anxiety. My husband has been sober for just over a year after completing 3 months of rehab. Things were going really well for us in the spring so we decided to try for another baby... From my perspective, the closer we get to baby's arrival, more of his old bad habits show up. I dread to use the term dry drunk, but I feel like that's where things are headed. He was given an after care plan to help him stay on track, but he no longer follows it. He's gone from 3 meetings a week to only 1 and he has not yet found a sponsor.
When our son was born 2.5 years ago, the stress of the situation sent my husband into a tailspin and it was incredibly stressful. I'm afraid that the arrival of the new baby will cause him the same amount of anxiety and that things will go sideways again.
I attend weekly meetings, in person and online, and I read all of the Al-Anon literature that I can get my hands on. I guess I'm looking for some words of support, and perhaps some ideas on how I can express my concerns to him without loosing my sanity.
Hi, I don't really know if I can help you, but I wanted to let you know that I am in a very similar situation and I understand how you feel. We have a 19 month old son and I am pregnant now, expecting in July. My AH is currently trying to stay sober, but is really resisting any kind of organized help. So I know that relapse is probably coming. When our son was born, AH spiraled out of control immediately. My fear is that he wont have a strong hold on recovery by the time the second baby is born.
I just keep trying to remind myself that I can't worry him into changing... Really nothing I can do or say will make him sway one way or the other with his addiction. I know deep down that he wants to be a good, present father but he has a disease that he needs to actively treat if he wants a chance at that. I think you're doing the best you can by going to meetings and reading. Just take care of you and the babies! If you really feel like you want to say something to him I understand that. It makes me feel better to get my concerns out, as long as I don't expect change because of my words. sometimes I write out my ideas on paper first to get the wording just right, then I psych myself up to deliver the statement and stay strong and silent no matter what the response so we don't end up in an argument.
Congrats on the new little one!
-- Edited by CoopsMom on Friday 18th of December 2015 02:57:53 PM
First, welcome to MIP - glad you are here and glad that you shared. Also, congratulations on the new family member soon to arrive. My best suggestion is to just work on you, your program and your happiness. If you truly feel you need to say anything, just speak from the heart and use I statements. You can not control what he does or does not do. You can't worry about what the future brings. Try to stay in the now and focused on what is working and good vs. what is not....
Keep coming back and know that we're just a post away! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
