The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I had my "Welcome Newcomer" folder in my purse and my husband saw it. Um..wow. He went on a temper tantrum, telling me how Al Anon is a cult based in Scientology and that it won't be long before I am handing over all of my worldly possessions to this "cult" and on and on... But this post isn't' about him - it's about ME for once. I knew it was ridiculousness and I just didn't engage. I'm in the family room peacefully typing this. He is not. All is well. I am proud - of myself for once. This might seem silly because it's not that big of a deal, but to me it really was. It was huge. He loves to manipulate and confuse/gaslight/project. He wants me to have nothing to do with Al Anon, because it intimidates and scares him. I now realize, this is not my problem. It is his. I need help and support. And for the first time in a long time, I am desperate enough for that support that I am able to see his lies for what they are. And help myself. Save myself instead.
-- Edited by ShellyM on Thursday 17th of December 2015 10:19:34 PM
Good deal Shelly. Keeping that focus on you will keep you from getting confused and manipulated because you won't care what he says. Keep coming back here and sharing!
ShellyM - just keep on taking care of you. Everybody's got 'fear of the unknown' and 'fear of change'. There's a host of responses that Al-Anon suggests to diffuse - Hummmmm, you may be right, I'll have to get back to you, I need to think about that, etc.
They intend to acknowledge but not engage. There's a post here some where with a ton of them....I wouldn't know what search term to use - I'll take a look around tomorrow if time allows to see if I can find them.....they've saved my bacon at times like this.
(((hugs))) - great work!!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you all so very much. Being still new and only attended 1 meeting thus far, I do not yet have anyone to "tell" these things to, and this board has helped greatly. Welllll...wow is the AH upset about Al Anon. I'd venture to say I have not seen him this upset about many things before. He is beside himself. AH started to make commotion at 2am - throwing the covers around, throwing stuff off the nightstand. Shockingly, I woke up. Then he began telling me that he hasn't had a cigarette in five whole days (I've never smoked but I do know its hard to quit) and I "haven't even bothered to acknowledge or appreciate it" (Seriously?!?!) and I obviously have no idea how much bigger of a deal that is than him "having a couple of drinks once". I think they call this the "HEY LOOK...A PANDA" technique :) Followed by a bunch of remarks about "my little cult" and why should he even bother telling me about his "accomplishment" because my newfound 'cult' is going to turn me into an Android. Yeah - this happened. And I kept my cool. I just said "good job with the cigarettes" and closed my eyes. This isn't easy. In fact, it's really really hard. But it feels so good when I keep it together and detach/don't get wrapped up in ridiculous drama. I do have a feeling this will get worse before it gets better, because he is going to push harder and harder to make me lose it so in his mind he wins. I'm trying hard not to focus on that, because I know I can't control that, and I'm taking each day as it comes to me. That is really hard for me too - I've always been a planner - of anything and everything.
