I live with a wonderful man now (hahah they all have their bad points).  My father is an A and so is my ex-husband.  The ex is now long out of the picture and doesn't affect me in any way.  However, because my mother still lives with my father he does affect me.  My current partner really does not understand what it was like to grow up in an A home and the things that haunt you after.  It doesn't stop when you a child, you have a 50 year man begging you for money because he's not gone to work in 3 weeks and went on a bender.  To have to say no to your father is hard.  Especially when my mother doesn't work and has no income of her own.  I will go see them this weekend and will buy grocieries and pay the hydro so i know my mother is safe.  No matter what, i can't completely detach because of her, she was a stay at home mom for 50 years and now has lung diesase and can't work.  I would let my father live in a box but there is always the guilt of my mother.  My current partner just says don't give them anything, they have made their own choices, his to drink, hers to stay.  In away he is right.  I have spoken to my mother about the situation and her response is "my generation did not give up on our marriages".  How can you win against that attitude.  I have told her that her happiness matters too, but she has given up.  In the long run what i'm trying to get at is......I am finiacally independant so any money i do give is my own, separate from the house bills.  How do I deal with my current partner and explain to him that it is a catch 22.

bd