The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm no stranger to AA, my Dad has been in recovery for decades. He alone is one of the largest reasons I tend to have so much faith in hope for others wanting to and successfully being able to change their lives. He has truly become my hero, I am so grateful for him and proud of him. One thing I have never done is attend an Al-Anon meeting. I was previously in a relationship with a partner who was drunk and/or high at nearly all times, even at work. I definitely recognize that I was towards the end of the relationship turning into someone who was trying to rescue him and no longer functioning as equals. After talking to my Dad about some of this, and my tendency to rescue others, be it animals (which is okay! lol, to a certain extent) or people, he urged me to go to an Al-Anon meeting. Saying that I certainly qualify as someone who would benefit and be welcomed by these meetings having had him as a Dad in recovery and also having been with someone who is just coasting through life getting high and drunk whenever possible.
Anyways, I just wanted to introduce myself and say hello. I feel these forums may be helpful for me so I joined. I have recommitted to myself that I will not be treated very poorly again in a relationship and have promised myself to make better decisions in choosing a partner. As obvious as this probably seems to many of you already... I have chosen to become friends with potential partners, creating mental/emotional intimacy and solid foundation of friendship before entering into the sexually intimate place reserved within a romantic partnership. I have recently met a man who is actively involved in AA and has been sober for a couple years now and it's very much a part of his life. I can see potential for a relationship with this person partly due to this openness, honesty and dedication to his recovery. That being said, I would like to connect with others, like, the collective 'you' on these message boards to ensure I am thinking clearly as I make decisions along the way.
Wow, guess I had more to say than I thought! :)
--oops one more thing, I was wondering if like AA/NA if there is specific reading material for Al-Anon? I briefly joined NA this year (despite not having a substance abuse problem) looking for...something? Clarity? Support? but it wasn't quite what I needed - though I am grateful for being a part of those groups for a time, I certainly found some healing in those places.
-- Edited by KeyHolder on Sunday 13th of December 2015 02:44:35 AM
Welcome KeyHolder Yes alanon has a great deal of material that helps members understand the complexity of living with the disease while presenting excellent tools to live by.
We need to accept that we are powerless over people, places and things and with principle that in mind accept that the only real power we have is over ourselves, our thoughts, responses and lives.
There are many great books available at.Alanon World Service site, and at at local meetings they are:
The Merry Go Round named Denial,
the Courage to Change,
One Day at Time in Alanon,
Paths to Recovery,
When I got Busy I Got Better to name a few and the small bookmark:
"Just for Today"
Meetings, connecting with like minded others, is the best way to learn of recovery. It is a "we" program and the "Change " cannot be accomplished alone
Hi Key, welcome to Miracles in Progress. Thank you for sharing a bit about your journey, where you've been and your thoughts on where you hope to go. Happy to hear that your dad found his path and in turn, pointed you to a great resource for your own growth and recovery!
I have been involved with AlAnon for three years, and am incredibly grateful for the perspective and many tools that it provides, along with a path to personal transformation and growth that is as unique as the circumstances and goals of each participant. In AlAnon I have been able to predictably and consistently find a sense of serenity that I haven't anywhere else, and identify a pattern of behavior that, when followed, steers me away from anxiety and agitation.
I am glad you reached out and had the courage to share, I welcome you and wish you the best as you explore the pages and concepts of AlAnon...look forward to hearing from you along the way
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
I too want to welcome you to MIP - glad you found us and glad you shared.
Meetings, slogans + literature are all critical tools for recovery. These tools and the program principals help us to find peace, joy, serenity and live life on life's terms instead of trying to retrofit what we want into someone or something that just doesn't fit.
I encourage you to dive in - it's a great way to live....saved my bacon more than I can share!!
Glad you are here - keep coming back!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Welcome to the boards. So glad your father found recovery and was able to offer you suggestions and help. A lot of AA meetings have an Al Anon meeting going close by so maybe you could attend AA with him and grab some literature? Unless you guys are separated by distance. Either way, Al Anon meetings have helped me in so many other areas of my life that I highly suggest you find a great home meeting and get acquainted with the program.
__________________
Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
hi there. new to the forum....my daughter is an addict and lately she has been harrassing me for money..yesterday afternoon, midnight last night and this morning....i just cant take anymore..
Good morning Linda - welcome to MIP - glad you found us and glad you are here!
We understand that pull of this disease in those we love. The disease of addiction is very powerful and can't be cured but can be arrested through recovery.
For those of us also affected, we participate in Al-Anon. Check for local meetings in your area, and you will find support immediately from others who understand where you are and what you live with. These same folks can help you better understand the disease, recovery (for us) and lead you to a joyful life in spite of what anybody else is doing or is not doing.
Attend some meetings and go with an open mind. Keep in mind the three Cs - We didn't cause it, We can't cure it and We can't control it.
Keep coming back and know that you are not alone!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Your story is very close to my own. My mother has been in recovery for 15 years and recommended me coming to Al anon after getting involved in one codependents relationship after another . I am still in a relationship with an addict who unfortunately is not doing much to help themselves. But Al anon has shown me how to be ok with that. I am still very much in love with my ABF. I have learned to lovingly detach although I still have my moments I'm doing much better.
Al anon has lots of good reading materials. I started with One day at a time in Al Anon and Courage to change. I have been going to meetings about 3 months now 2 to 4 meetings a week. I saw a change in myself right away and am so grateful. Everyone is so awesome and helpful here. Keep going to meetings :)
Ftf mtgs will definetely help you on your journey,
You can also purchase or borrow books and
Hear other peoples live shares there. You do
Not need to share till you are ready to do so.
I just sat and listened, learned and absorbed for
A long time. I was at my bottom and i needed
Help. I just sat and cried a lot. Emotional pain
Is too much to go it alone.
There is no quick or easy cure for our deep
Rooted problems. We need to reach deep down
inside of Ourselves To change and grow with our
higher power Holding our hand. Most of us come
from dysfunction and /or the disease itself then
we marry Into it.
