The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have tried to exist in the same household and support the alcoholic father of my child for awhile now but he just simply isn't doing what he should do to get his own treatment. He has supposedly 'stopped' drinking but I catch him slip up here and there and his mental condition after doing so is very scary. I have had to spend the night in a woman's shelter with my child. I ended up asking and getting clearance from him to take our son and go out of state for awhile to stay with my family. I have been here (out of state) long enough to establish a residency and I am considering doing so for the safety of myself and the safety of my child. I have kept the door open for him to come here and see us (he has had chances but he won't) and I make sure he gets to speak with our son when he calls, but I have found on occasion he has relapsed and he can be very inappropriate and aggressive on the phone. The deal I made him when I left was for both of us to get treatment for our issues but he has not done a thing. I am absolutely terrified of getting myself and our son out of this situation, only to have him (in his current mental state because he refuses treatment) come after me and try to hurt us, once he finds out I have established residency (he thinks we will eventually come back). I can't concentrate on anything, we have no money and he doesn't really send us any, so my family supports us while I go to school and try to find jobs here and there. I was going to AL ANON meetings before I left but I haven't been able to find many meetings here and I can't go out of town often so I'm seeking help and support online. I see a therapist and get counseling regularly but it's not helping as much as I'd like it to. I don't want to subject myself and my son to a life of living with an alcoholic who needs a lot of treatment and who behaves increasingly aggressive toward me. I saw the warning signs, I don't want to wait for more abuse to occur. I don't want my son damaged. I need some advise and I need some help if someone can offer it.
Welcome aetemp to MIP - glad you found us and glad you found your courage to share.
I strongly recommend getting back into Al-Anon. If there aren't local meetings, we do have meetings here twice a day - look to the top left for the meeting schedule and a link to the chat/meeting room. There's some great Al-Anon in these meetings, and while I believe F2F (face to face) meetings are wonderful for local support, the online meetings will at least keep you focused on the program, your own recovery and living one day at a time while you are getting stronger in your recovery.
I am certain because of your exposure to Al-Anon and to counseling that you know you didn't cause this, you can't control it/him and you can't cure it/him. All you can do is work on you and your recovery and take care of you and your child as best as possible. It seems as if you've broken away from the daily grind of the disease, and that's often the hardest part for many.
You don't have to decide anything right now. Al-Anon members will not give you advice, beyond suggesting you talk with Abuse Counselor(s) if that is present in your situation. If you have fear over the way he acts/treats you during his drinking, it is very possible that you have abuse issues to also recover from.
Know that you are not alone. We are all here - just a post away! I hope this helps you - find some time to work on you and attend an online meeting/two/three, etc. It certainly can't hurt at this point!
(((Hugs))) - keep coming back.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Welcome to our site. It is surely for you. AlAnon will be a support for you while you try to figure out things in your life. If you can't find face to face meetings where you are you can always find a meeting on this site or keep asking questions here. There is someone who has gone through exactly what you have that will help you.
You have been affected by his alcoholism. Look at how scared you are and when you are scared you get frozen and can't think.... and then there are a million things going through your brain and you can't concentrate on any one thing. You have a 2 year old that needs a good mom. You are lucky you have a family that will help you too.
