The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I think there are a number of applications of this. One of the things it means to me is that, in meetings, we discuss and concern ourselves with principles, not personalities. this allays temptations to gossip, and also keeps meetings from being dependent or overwhelmed by someone with a strong personality.
For me it means that I have l defined my principles and then regardless of whom I interact with I abide by these principles.
Years ago before program I had many principles that I judged others by but if I liked you I would abandon my principles and do as I pleased.
Some of the principles that I have chosen to live by to name a few are: that I am powerless over others , I will interact with others with honesty, compassion, respect of myself and others, no judging, gossiping or critiquing of others. That there is a Higher Power and I am not it, So that no matter whom I am connecting with these principles are at the forefront of my mind and actions .
For me, it's what Kenny and Betty have written + an 'ego-deflating' tool for me. I believe that each person I encounter, including my qualifier, is put there to teach me something. If I am focused on the person instead of the message, I'm missing an opportunity to learn. I have to look beyond the person and/or their style and look for the lesson...
HTH!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
For me it means I have no business in anyone else's business..... that is personality. I have my own principles to live by and they have theirs, whether or not I agree with them. I don't know what all happened in their life and I can't judge what they do. I can only judge myself and I do that by knowing what MY principles are and living by them.
Hi Joker, I'm not sure if you have access to AlAnon literature, but I found some very helpful pages in the daily readers index under Traditions > Twelfth: Hope for Today - all pages listed, Courage to Change - the last two pages, and ODAT - the last page listed.
This is definitely an area I have to work on regularly, and I found the pages very helpful, hope you do too...
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
For me, principles above personality means that I will not allow anyone to interfere with my principles because they are exhibiting bad behavior.
I will always do the right thing for me regardless of what others say and do.
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
My sponsor taught me that principles above personality, I can set aside my differences with someone else and look at the greater good of a big picture situation. What is it that I believe and I want to stand by? Am I focused on someone else's behavior? Do I believe that this is about my own moral compass and someone else's behavior just isn't working for me because it is innately wrong for me as a whole human spirit.
It's where I can separate myself from others and look at situations with detachment and love, while saying this works, this doesn't. I really do believe that you become the company you keep .. so if things just aren't adding up and it makes me feel bad about me .. I can step away without the need to be angry because I am standing in my own truth.
This is one for me that is really hard when it comes to my XAH.
Hugs S:)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
