The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
December 9th meeting of Wednesday Night Turning Point AFG...our home group and had no idea what would happen or who would show up...Yowzers!! My deceased mother's birthday is December 9th and when I sat down looking at one of the pages of the day it hit me...all of it...pre-recovery and post. My head got noisy as my mind jumped into my memory box of what it was like...what happened...what it is like now. My emotions were running for the door and then running back into my spirit shouting good stuff and bad stuff and then just stuff. It was a war I tell ya being the son of and living with a daughter of the disease who used the tool of dysfunction in our relationship almost till the end. I sat in my chair and didn't know whether to scream or go into a coma until I remembered she has been dead for some time now and we had settled up before she died. We settled up after a counseling session which HP had me set up and lead. There was another one of the millions of explosions she had with my step father and I was heading for the door and before going thru it I practice some program...going to my HP and telling HP my intentions and then listening to HP's will. "If there is anything you see I can do here let me know now or I am out of here"...HP's reply "Well you are a counselor aren't you"? Never saw my parents as part of my patient group however HP's insight fixed that and after the session the raging seas calmed and never returned that I know of. They expressed gratitude and the blue birds of paradise came home. That was the gratitude part of last nights surprise along with many memories of the insanity that we all went thru. There was no fault thoughts other than this is what alcoholism can cause. Along with all of the negative thoughts and memories and the sweet ones also came the one I am most grateful for ...where was I sitting, who was I with and what was happening in my life now. It slows my breath and heartbeat and puts nostalgic smile on my face which for me is evidence of gratitude. I am. I am alive and happy what more could I wish for?
Two of the members in the room asked me for "that puter site" I visit on a daily basis and I broke MIP's anonymity...I hope they show up and partake in the blessings I have since finding this home. In love and gratitude. (((((hugs)))))
Lovely share Jerry-
Today because of program I can sit back and view the "rememories". with compassion, love and understanding. Absent is the blame and judgment of yesteryear This is what i heard you say as well. I too appreciate that the memories are not filtered through " rose colored glasses" and do reflect the joy , sadness and pain accompanied byh the appreciation and gratitude for all the lessons learned
Thanks for the share Jerry! My parents are coming in 9 days for two weeks and I woke up this morning in a bit of a panic. I have worked hard to stop being perfect, and to work to just make them feel welcome and at home.....my old tapes of all that I needed to do before they came started in, and I had to just stop and pause and pray.
I heard back that I am a good daughter (nobody else will home them for almost 2 weeks), I have a nice home (that I open to them freely) and it will be just fine!
Whew.......................so glad I have much more today than my own crazy brain to help me get straight when I go a bit wacky! Thank you MIP, Al-Anon and HP for the gift of sanity and tools to return me to sanity when I stray!
(((Hugs))) to all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
