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Living with an alcoholic is sooooo confusing. I know we all know that it is just some days it is more clear than others... I am having a very bad day and thought i would seek a shoulder from my friends here ...
My husband is an alcoholic, we have been married a very long time and he has been an alcoholic the entire time. It wasnt until recently i realized the impact of his drinking. That means that until a few years ago there was no problem.. ( or at least that is his opinion ) Me well, i just let things go.. Anyway, in September I left my husband for 30 days.. I thought i was doing the right thing i really knew in my heart that i had to leave for my sake as well as my kids ( i have 2 teenagers 17 & 15 ) Shortly after i left i started having second thoughts.. My head knew i did the right thing but my heart wasnt so sure. We talked daily both crying each time we spoke. We started talking about counseling and we began going together and seperately. After 30 days i moved back with the understanding that counseling would continue and it did for another month or so. The holidays were up and down, as was the next few months.
Monday my husband went off because i ask about a $200 withdraw he made from our joint account which i balance. He bagan screaming at me calling me a B***, an f** B** and so on. This was at 9:30 and he wasnt drinking at the time. I ask him to leave and told him i can not do this any longer. He left for a while and came home to drink staying in the camper coming in only to sleep. Yesterday sober, he came to me and ask if i really wanted him to leave. He insisted he has been faithful to me our entire marriage and dont understand why that doenst count for anything. I told him it matters but it isnt everything.. Explained that I want peace in my life, I want to feel love, the love that I deserve. That i didnt deserve the name calling... He cried, so did i... He told me to give him a few days and he would be gone. Today, he left to go to BIKE WEEK in Daytona, orginally he was going only for the day however, he just called to say he found a hotel and would be staying until tomorrow.. I hung up and cried. What is wrong with me ?? I am so sad ... angry, and confused.. I told him to leave, i told him that i am through why am i crying ?? Why do i feel this way ? I want so bad to stop loving him, to stop caring about him.. I want so desperatly to move on .. I feel, numb... I just dont know what i want... How can you be so sure what you want and need in one minute and the other be so confused ??
I totally understand your confusing emotions. You have not given yourself a chance to grieve over the marriage. It is still a loss and a huge blow to you. Give yourself awhile to be in shock and then to think about what you need to do to feel better. It takes time to recover emotionally even when it is what you want and know you need to do.
One day at a time, one minute if need be...together with you in recovery..
Hello Tammy , so glad u found us today. If you can please give our Al-Anon program about 6 months before you make any life changing decissions, your very upset at the moment and any decission right now will probably be the wrong one. You love your husb , I wasn't prepared to leave my marriage either and working this program i found out I could get happy regardless of what he was doing. drinking or not. I learned to detach from his irratic behavior and not take his drinking personally. I alwasy felt that he was drinking at me. he wasn't it was just m y perseption. I learned here I was not the reason he drinks. threats dont' work , begging , crying dont' work as I suspect u have found out for yourself.
Your trying to solve a problem that has nothing to do with you. You are not the reason he drinks. period good luck Louise
Huggs to you! I can so relate what you're feeling..Living with alcoholism is too much for most of us...We care, but the disease is so much more powerful than us.
Take good care of yourself and your children..Come to al anon meetings and don't beat yourself up.
You set a good boundary keeping him in the camper, I sent mine to the garage, but to sleep. You drink, you don't sleep in house. Please keep coming back and let us know if you need help finding a local meeting. Please join us for ours, by clicking chat room above. I just had my one year anniversary and my life has changed!! My kids even noticed. Do something for yourself, give Alanon a good chance. We are a close family here, keep coming back, everyday if you have to.
Josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
Tammy thanks for leaning on us! Keep coming back every day if you have to. We are family. Set yourself some good boundaries about the drinking. Do something for you while he is gone.
Josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
you are going through such a hard time...loving the a but knowing it is unhealthy behaviour. am so glad you have found this site. know that there are many of us who know what you are going through and also know that you have love and support here.
i live with a practising a. he is sadly in full denial, but thanks to this programme, i have learned and am learning every day to look after me.
I can definitely understand some of where you are coming from. This program has done wonders for me. I take it one day at a time and focus on me and focus on living the serenity prayer. There are many many many tools in the program that can help especially with the despair and hopelessness.
I hope you will choose to join this group it is a phenomenal group of people who can and do help a lot.
I felt the same confusion when I left my a husband after 22 years. It hit me in December which is hard time anyway. I knew that I was mourning my broken marriage but it didn't make it any easier. I took one day at a time, one hour at a time. I was so confused about how I could be so down when I wanted out so bad. Luckily the new year brought new hopes. I now live in the moment, live for me. I'm still on my own and am proud that I'm makin' it work.
Do some soul searching, set boundries and work the program. You deserve to be happy. I didn't think I ever would be happy again just one year ago!
