The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading is about turning away from resentments and toward compassion. In my pre-alanon life I confused compassion with feeling badly for someone and excusing unacceptable behavior. That was an excellent way to set up for feelings of resentment! I am thinking now that compassion is more about 'live and let live' And knowing I can never control or change another person, it's about not judging others.
Letting go of resentments has been freeing. I'm not held captive by them anymore, and that allows me to move forward instead of staying stuck. The 'thought for the day' asks how we can show compassion for ourselves first and then extend to others? I will do my best today; I will try to live in the present and not get stuck in the past or future; I will work on being open and compassionate to people around me.
Great reading for today Mary. It is amazing how you were able to include all the information regarding Resentments, compassion, showing compassion for myself first and then extending that compassion to others, while living in the moment and in the day, in an informative and succinct manner.
I can identify with misunderstanding the word "compassion" and thinking that I was showing compassion when I:" felt sorry for others, then did for them what they should do for themselves to relieve MY PAIN.
Alanon has taught me that in reflecting compassion , I can detach, readily identify with the pain another is in, and respect them enough to offer emotional support and respect knowing that there is a HP in control and thee best I can do is pray for them.
I found that resentment developed when I over do for others and they do not reciprocate. I worked on former resentments by working the steps and being willing to let go of my anger and resentments because they hurt me.
This is just what I needed to hear today. It has been so hard for me to respond with compassion. Trying to offer compassion I use to throw in a "need" statement... Now, I to bite my tongue, listen with detachment and let go and let God... I'm a work in progress....
When I was talking to my guy last night he asked how I could still love him..I have a couple quotes that I read daily
"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it prevents bad behavior from destroying your heart"
"I love you even if I don't love your choices"
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I have the compassion thing down to a science lol, its finding that boundary that's the problem..how to be compassionate without running yourself down and ending up resentful
Good share folks. This has been my focus for a few days and I really need to dig into it more. I'm currently "drinking the poison and hoping XA will die"...it's not working -_-
Thank you Mary - it is by forgiving myself and others that I was able to find compassion for those who still suffer. I just wrote a bit ago in another thread that I stay in my marriage as I love my husband, even though I hate this disease. I am able to now look upon some of the things he says and does with grace and compassion instead of anger and frustration. I am beyond words grateful to this program and my HP for helping me 'see' that being stuck in those negative feelings held me away from serenity, peace and the light of life, in the moment.
I am more at peace by choosing compassion vs. resentment & anger. I am a better friend, daughter, mother, sister, etc. as a result of letting go of the negative energy that I held for so long. I am not the same person I was before I got here, and am hopeful to keep growing into yet a better person!
Thanks for the lovely share and your ESH!!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
