Oh mom, I have been there- still am really but I have learned, with the help of the wonderful people at al anon to somehow put that pain, that disappointment, and even that anger aside and detach. Not always for sure- still have my long, long nights at times but I am much better.

My situation is not much better really as our son, his partner and their wonderful, beautiful baby boy are living with us while he searches for a job. We let him move in because of the baby but we set very solid boundaries and, if he crosses them, he is out. We will still continue to care for the baby because he is an innocent. And really he is a gift!

Go to a face to face meeting, don't worry if you cry. I did for the first several meetings. But they do help because only other parents in your situation understand what you are experiencing.  You cannot change your child- been there and tried that for many years- but you can change yourself and how you react. You can create a buffer zone around you and realize that you are not responsible in any way for their behavior.