The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My husband is an alcoholic. We have been through many issues with this problem. It was so bad a few years ago that he lost his job and was not interested in anything except getting drunk. I finally gave him an ultimatum, either stop drinking and get a job or leave. He chose to get a job. He is now working but has gone back to drinking on the weekends. His actions have made relationships with me and the children difficult. I have asked him to stop drinking but to no avail. Tonight we were going to go out to dinner and he was complaining about one of our children. So I told him that he needed to talk to the child to repair the relationship or it won't get any better. I asked him to talk when he wasn't drinking. Well, he had been drinking all day so the minute our child came home he went in to confront. I don't know what was said and I have not asked. I figure it is between him and our child. BY the way, all of our children are adults now. After his conversation with our child he went to get dressed to go out to dinner but then came back and started accusing me of infidelity. I have never been unfaithful in our marriage. At this point I told him he was out of line and that I would not go to dinner with him. He continued to ask me and I told him that he cannot say things to me like that. Then he got this strange smile on his face like he had just gotten even. I really don't know what to do. I have been to one AL anon meeting but it didn't really seem like it was helpful. I was thinking of going to see someone to talk to but I'm just not sure. Any suggestions?
Welcome notsureanymore It certainly sounds is if your are living with disease of alcoholism. This disease has been identified as a threefold in nature and affects the person physically, emotionally and spiritually. It is chronic, progressive and incurable as it can be arrested but never cured.
We who live with the disease require a program of recovery because by living with the insanity of the disease we develop negative coping tools to live by. Alanon is that recovery program and it is here that I learned that I did not cause it , I could not control it and cannot cure it
It is suggested that you try at least 6 different alanon meetings before deciding if alanon is for you, I am sorry that you only attended one meeting and made the decision. Here we break the isolation of living with the disease, learn new tools to live by and then by Living one day at a time, focused on ourselves, trusting in a power greater than ourselves our self esteem grows.
Keep coming back and please search out meetings again
Welcome to MIP notsureanymore - glad you stopped by and glad you shared.....
I strongly encourage you to go back to Al-Anon meetings. This disease is very, very baffling and one meeting most likely didn't give you a good read on what it's about.
So sorry that you've got chaos in your home - it is often created by the disease and is often not even remotely close to reality. There are so many tools that help us live with, cope with and react (or not) to that it's way too many to share in a post!
If local meetings are not your cup of tea, we have 2 per day here - check the top left for the schedule and link.
Glad you are here - keep coming back - it's worth it when you love and/or live with an alcoholic, active or not!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
