The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My husband 29 years sober, was involved professionally with a women for 6 months, she treated me horribly, and treated hubby, well exceptionally nice. Lets just say her marketing skills were what most prostitutes use to mark them selves, and she is a professional landscape architect.....
We had a huge social event, 3 months ago, and he invited her, and her disabled son, this after 6 months of talking about how great this women thinks my husband is, she continually fed his ego, while treating me horrible while he watched.....
Well during the social event, the 2 were very friendly while my husband ignored me, and was rude to me as well......
I didn't say a word, my fault, should have called him and her out at the beginning....
3 months later, I am spending my 2nd of 3 nights in a hotel, only to return home after he leaves on a business trip.....
He has come to the plate, owned his behavior, said there was not sex, I say he had an emotional affair. His time with her stole emotions, time, energy, and now money from our marriage,, marriage counseling and hotel says, even though there was not sex....
I am willing to work on marriage, I am ok with being alone. I set some strong boundaries, and we shall see....any thoughts or recommendations appreciated.
Kindly, shattered heart, but stronger voice....
-- Edited by cleoleo 12 on Sunday 6th of December 2015 05:46:31 PM
Welcome to MIP - glad you found us and glad you shared.
You mention that your husband is sober which is awesome.....if you aren't in recovery for yourself, I might suggest that. This disease affects the mind, body and soul and pulls in those who live with and love alcoholics as well. The length of time one goes without a drink doesn't matter - the 'isms' are often still around to affect others.
Finding local Al-Anon meetings would be helpful - if you can't find any, we have 2 per day - look to the top left for the meeting schedule and the meeting link.
Keep coming back!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
One of my favorite books and I need to read it again is In All Our Affairs which is a small book on BIG issues on ESH. It talks about things like affairs, child abuse and different issues and how people have dealt with them.
If you are looking to create boundaries and work on yourself I would highly encourage you to come here go to a face to face meeting to help you find what will work for you. Maybe a few sessions of marriage counseling would be a good place to start as well.
Hugs I am so sorry for the hurt that the emotional affair has caused you because it does hurt and in some ways at least if it was just sex that's all said and done with .. emotional affairs are extremely damaging though as they hurt long term .. it's just different.
Hugs S :)
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Welcome Sue I am sorry that you have endured this destructive behavior and am glad that you reached out
I do not see that you are attending alanon face to face meetings and would like to urge you to do so.. Alanon is the recovery program for family members who live with the disease of alcoholism . Living with the insanity of he disease causes many of us to abandon ourselves and develop negative coping tools.
Alanon believes that the answer for each person's life is within that person, so that we do not give advise. We do urge members to adopt new tools to live by so that hey can discover the right path for themselves and respond to the guidance
We do learn that we are powerless over people, places and things and that it is up to us to draw "Boundaries" on ourselves in order to live with courage serenity and wisdom.
Living one day at a time, focused on ourselves, trusting in an power greater than ourselves helps. Face to face meetings are held in most commutates and the hot line number is in the white pages. 'Keep coming back here as well. You are not alone
Thank you everyone for your responses. I have been sober in AA for 28 years, my sponsor has her black belt in Alanon as she says. I sobered up with her AA/Alanon guidance, and am working the Alanon steps with her now. I do understand the lessons are his to learn, and I have my own work to do as well.
I also understand that I need to attend face to face alanon meetings in addition to my AA meetings. Betrayal is so painful, but I do have made a few steps this weekend at the hotel. Might do this on a yearly basis actually!!!
The anger was stifling and paralyzing, it is starting to release as I tap into all the emotions of a broken heart and pain.
Thank you again, and I will keep coming back!!
Betty, I love your mantra.....the highest form of wisdom is kindness.....that will be my daily goal. Thank you
Sue - Congrats on the 28 years! WTG! I celebrated 28 years in October of this year. I met & married another in recovery, I stayed sober, he did not. It's been a journey!
There are a few other double winners here (AA & Al-Anon), so you'll fit right in.
Glad you are finding a bit of relief - keep doing what you're doing and things will improve!
(((Hugs)))
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Sue I am also a "double" with the rooms of Al-Anon coming first and I have often heard the phrase "he/she is sober but"...for me that means "he/she is no drinking and..." Getting sober for me was supported by how I treated others including my female partner and "friends". I stopped fooling around entirely and turned my relationship behavior also over to HP which gave me back lessons and experiences on respect and honor commitment and honesty and more. I stopped drinking and then with program stopped fooling around. My present wife knows that she is the only physical/emotional partner I have. ((((hugs))))
