The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I had a conversation with my AH in which I told him basically that I was done. I would like him to get treatment, gave him the names and tel numbers of some good inpatient rehab detox centers and then said I hoped that he would go. I did not issue any ultimatum but told him the kids and I are aware of the lying, the secret drinking and the drunk driving. I let him know that I allow the kids to express their feelings to me and I shared some of those with him. Not to make him feel guilty but because we are parents together and if I had behavior that made him concerned for the children's welfare, I would want and expect him to tell me. I told him he has a disease, and given that we both come from alcoholic families, it could have just as easily been me but it's not. That said, it is on him to get the treatment he needs.
If he doesn't, I have no control over that, I can only take care of myself and the kids. I told him if he did not choose sobriety, he would not be allowed to drive the kids if I believe he has been drinking and if he comes home drunk, I will not allow him in the house. I will no longer witness or participate in his drinking. I will go to Alanon and encourage the kids to go to Alateen. I do not want my children to witness their father's physical deterioration so if he continues to drink himself into decline then I may ultimately end the marriage.
I spoke quietly and firmly. I let him know I loved him and wanted him here with me to see our kids grow up, graduate, get married. I told him I would support his sobriety in any way I could (within my own healthy detached way).
When I was done speaking, he told me he had called the Employee Assistance Program (helps people with addiction and other issues) and made an appointment with his MD. I reinforced that I strongly felt he needed inpatient detox as he is has had daily intake and doing this on his own would at best be ineffective and at worse could be fatal. I gave him the list of inpatient facilities and encouraged him to call for a bed.
He went to EAP today and then told me he has an appointment in a week (sounds like outpatient counseling to me) and will see MD tomorrow.
I have to detach. As I have read on many posts here, if I drag him or he goes to rehab for me, it won't work. This is squarely on him. As are the consequences of his actions.
Thanks for reading. Happy for any feedback and any prayers you can send our way.
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Kelly
"Go placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace there may be in silence...." Desiderata
(((Hugs))), Prayers and positive thoughts from my world too. I am one who believes the key to getting and staying sober is the willingness to work at it one day at a time. When an Alcoholic is ready, he will recover - Inpatient, Outpatient or Other.
You did a good job speaking your truth - and you have the right plan - let go and let God! Keep taking care of you and the kids and it will be as it's supposed to be...
Keep coming back!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you for the prayers, thoughts and words. He's gone out tonight and I've been talking to myself all night, reading the literature I have in the house and trying to let go. I am turning off the lights and going to bed. Tomorrow I will find a meeting.
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Kelly
"Go placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace there may be in silence...." Desiderata
(((newleaf66))) - great plan and may you sleep peacefully!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
