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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> bitter sweet sad relief
Post Info TOPIC: bitter sweet sad relief
Theoceancalls


Senior Member

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bitter sweet sad relief
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Well. . 17 years. .2 div mediation sessions and the mediator will be sending iur agreement via email.in aweek for our review and then process it with court. We spent yesterday texting and argueing, screaming and threatening lawyers. This morning he relented did the 180* and said lets do.this right and with civility. So needless to.say we managed to get through all of the issues. He was kind, gracious, forthcoming and open. We agreed to terms the best we coukd, have a fair custody plan that i will monitor and well. . Its almost over. I felt a sad relief. Cried my drive home but actually got to house and the three of us enjoyed ice cream and laughs. The grief and reality will set in. .I think thats the hardest part. I so want this over but i kniw how hard that "last" day will be. . This has been my home for 8 years. .We designed it with our dreams in mind. We have 17 years of good bad and ugly and one amazing 11yo. . That said. . Its ending. As my soon to ex and i parted in the parking lot it was hard not to hug. He said, "your a wonderful mother and have been a wonderful wife. Im sorry for messi.g it uo, i hope we can forgive and be healthier parents after this". .guess i cant ask for more. I know thats his heart its one of the reasons ive stayed but his alcoholism and serious coping skill definciencies have led him to make seriously bad choices. .Ailienate himself from so much and so many. .And now im leaving too. I never wanted to.be a "leaver". .but my.life had become unrecognizable. I was slowly dying each day. I knew the day the second affair was confirmed there was no turning back and here i am. I know in the long run i will be ok. But the short term frightens me. . My first night not in the room across the hall frommy daughter, the first night alone in a friends spare room. The first switch to dad. . Im not sure how to do this . . Im not sure whats next. Our daughter "knows" but continues to "not know". .its something she wontvtalk about esp to.me. . Im the "ine leaving". . I know in time she willl be ok. .But i feel her pulling away. My hope is my daughter getstt develop a strionger healthier relationship with her dad. Maybe hewilldo better without me. .So many mixedc feeling. . Sadness, hurt, bitterness, relief, fear, second guessing, guilt, worry. . What a long 2 weeks its been since that first mediation session. .My heart aches, my bidy is 20+pounds lighter, im exhausted beyond words and drained in every



-- Edited by Theoceancalls on Wednesday 2nd of December 2015 11:11:47 PM

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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
Theoceancalls


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In every sense of the word. But id be lying to.say tears arent flowing. My life has felt so chaotic and unmanageable i.can now see wjere alanon will still be impirtant but in a different way. I will have to.relearn who.i am.and what i stand for and what im made of. I will have to find MY voice. My peace. I will need you to help me to.better learn how to " keep.coming back" as im gatherimg thst just bc divorce is on.the horizon, my need for support from all if you will continue. . . You have been a lifeline in the wee hrs, a comfort and sounding board. Now i need to.use tools and support to find ME again and support my daughter through this rough time. Thank you all. .

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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
a4l


~*Service Worker*~

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Ocean it is my greatest hope that your friends place is a safe space for you to be loving and gentle with yourself. Huge huge emotional wound you're wearing. Time to regroup, nothings set in stone. Lots of love your way, hang in there.

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hotrod


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((TOC)) HP will guide you through this difficult tine. I can see the amazing growth of your courage, and wisdom shining through in each posting Continue to have"Smart Feet and keep coming back.

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Iamhere


~*Service Worker*~

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(((TOC))) - thoughts and prayers continue. Try, as best as possible, to just stay in the day. Not worried about the future and not dwelling on the past. Trust God and let go.

Keep coming back!

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
milkwood


~*Service Worker*~

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(((((Hugs))))) TOC
What an inspiration you are. You are looking towards your new adventures with you holding centre stage - that is such a beautiful and exciting thing to see unfurling.

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Jazzie18


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Just remember that you are an inspiration to many. No one signs up for living like this and you are doing the best for your daughter who does not deserve to live in the chaos brought by living in an alcoholic home. Sending you hugs and prayers.

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Theoceancalls


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Thank you. . Idont feel like an inspiration. A bit more like a failure .i wanted to.be superwoman and "handle this" alcohol thing and make it worl
k. I never wanted to be in a position ogmf leaving the family home, making my daughter angry with me and feeling at a loss. I ultimately know this is the right next move but why do i feelso"icky". .second guessing, etc. .

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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

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(((TOC))) letting go of our dreams is painful and extremely sad. I can so understand the "ikky feeling"and would like to assure you that living life on life's terms with acceptance is a process. Being able to see reality, and place your principles above personalities so as to take the next right action takes much courage and wisdom. Your daughter will be able to see that when she is older.

Be gentle with ourself and treat yourself to something nice.

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
KennyFenderjazz


~*Service Worker*~

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TOC, you are being superwoman, just not in the way you were envisioning. To have the great courage to change the (very hard) things we should - makes you superwoman in our eyes. You will be able to do this, by just doing the next right thing. You will always know what that is, but projecting too far forward causes the worry. when you get to each thing, you will know what to do, HP and your intuition will guide you.

Kenny

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Mirandac


~*Service Worker*~

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It is a process that takes Time. I had to build
myself up enough to Stand my ground and
remain firm. My xah Was nor active either.

I trusted my divorce lawyer to watch out
For me financially, she also was great about
The Emotional impact on me. Helping me,
holding my Hand making smart choices
instead of dumb Emotional ones.

When you are in the thick of it, you are not
Sane or rational and can not see the big
picture. Your emotions are taking up to
85% or more of your energy.

((((((( oceancalls)))))))


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SerenityRUS


~*Service Worker*~

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Hugs TOC .. it really will get better. No one could have told me 12 months ago I would be sitting in a whole different State. Lots can happen in a very short time .. HP doesn't bring anyone so far to drop them on their butts. It's just not how it works .. closing a door opens a whole wide world that is a whole lot healthier.



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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism.  If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown

"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Breakingfree


~*Service Worker*~

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You are doing great! I was on my way out the door from my exAH when I found al-anon and it helped me every step of my divorce and recovery process. I'm such the stronger and healthier person thanks to working hard on my program and the steps with my sponsor. I dove into taking care of myself and my daughters and we are all doing wonderful now and we'll my exAH is still and active mess, but even with that going on I'm detached and doing great. I have let go and let Gid with him and everything else I kept myself crazy with trying to make it all perfect. Take good care of you and your daughter and just take it one day at a time. Sending you love and support!

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666

" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
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