The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I found out today that my ABF has been checking to see if I am where I say I am. As far as I know he has never done that before. I have never given him a reason to think I might lie. The only thing I can think is he thinks I'm seeing someone else. However that is not the case I am very much in love with my boyfriend. We have our issues but we connect on a level I have never had before. I have been a bit distant since I have been going to meetings and working on me. But I have been very open with him about my program. Now I should add that the reason I found out is because I was snooping. I went to a meeting last night and today I see in his browser history that he looked up the meeting. I have a lot of fear about this relationship and sometimes my insecurities get the best of me. I'm having a hard time right now sorting out whats my intuition and whats my insecurities. I know its wrong and I am working on it. Now I'm left with this uneasy feeling. Thanks for hearing me out.
MC - progress, not perfection. That's what we strive for and that's how it goes. Don't beat yourself up over it - however, I suspect because you are troubled by this, it's a situation to talk with a sponsor about. I had to learn (the hard way) not to snoop or interfere - I always found out things that worried me but that I couldn't do anything about. Just more stress - not helpful for my own recovery.
Hang in there - it will be as it's supposed to be and return the focus to you. (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you Iamhere. I still don't have a sponsor yet. I'm kind of an introvert and not sure how to go about getting one. Every Friday I go to my home meeting with that in mind but I just have not made it happen.
MC don't be too hard on yourself. I have also done some snooping. It seems like it was a catch 22. I wanted to know, and control XA, but I also was listening to that little voice in my head. Turns out, there was sneaky (and very unacceptable) stuff going on. It doesn't make it right, but it does make me human. Sometimes I regret not snooping more and figuring stuff out months sooner...again not an ideal situation. Next time, if I get that feeling, I will ask better questions so snooping is not required, and then I will listen to myself and detach as required!
