Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

cspwil · Member

bad day today

Debb · ~*Service Worker*~

Just keep working the program and the steps and don't think about the future.

When you have gotten 6 months of the program and meetings under your belt

then see how you feel. You did great, not engaging or questioning your AH, the

best thing you can do is to stop dwelling on what he is doing/not doing and just

take care of who you are. {{HUGS}}

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

cspwil,

It sounds like you did a good job using detachment with this situation. You said that he's home now and being distant. Sometimes this kind of rejection from the alcoholic is our higher power's protection of us. Enjoy the peace and quiet - serenity. And as far as it being a "bad day today," only if all of your happiness depends on your ah. And it doesn't because you asserted personal boundaries. It is disappointing and discouraging when they are actively drinking and acting out.

You can continue to make decisions that are in your best interest. Online meetings here can help too. If you have a sponsor, it might be a good time to reach out for additional support.

Having enough and walking away is a big decision. One of my program friends has been with her husband many years. He has been in AA recovery many years but is as irritable and nasty as someone still drinking. She's told me that her closest friends have asked her why she stays with him. Her answer.. there are more things about him that she loves than doesn't. confuse So I guess only the person living with the person knows if it feels like a bad day or a bad life. Thanks for sharing your feelings. I hope the rest of your day is better. ((hugs))) TT

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

cspwil - first and foremost, (((hugs))) - living with this disease can bring about many challenges. Even when we are doing all that we know to do, there are hiccups - it happens to all of us. While I know this feels 'big', truly look back on your day and see if you can accept that it was a good day with a few bad moments. This was a process my sponsor taught me - my old tapes tended to classify chunks of time as 'days' instead of moments. I have to always remember to have gratitude for the blessings I do have - so....simple is great at times like this.

Perhaps his actions are because he's had a bad day or some bad moments in his day. Don't give him the power to affect your whole day - see the situation as best you can for what it was and do something just for you - music, bubble bath, tv show, literature - anything necessary to put your mind back towards your truth and your peace. You have tools now that can help bring you back to center and realize that you are not the cause of his actions, behavior, rants, drinking, not drinking, etc....

Again (((hugs))) - bad moments happen; it's up to us to not allow them to turn into bad days! Keep coming back and keep sharing - I always feel better when I vent or 'dump'....

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

You can do all of the stuff you say you can't...but will you? Good that you haven't cause that is working the program. (((((hugs))))) smile

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene