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Thank you all who responded with knowledge on their experiences with the legal system. I offered my "a" supervised visits at his parents house with the kids. He reluctantly took it, but then called the next day to say how I'm treating him like a criminal. I was able to write up a Visitation Agreement that states no drinking, no smoking marijuana before or during visits, no leaving with the children and no friends or new friends. If he agrees great then we can work on what's important so he can get unsupervised and overnights. I was able to construct a list of goals that I would like to see happen before unsupervised happens. Right now he has no license, no car, an efficiency in a hotel room with no kitchen, beds, or anything in it. I was told by a friend of mine that because he's been Baker Acted and diagnosed as Bipolar that is documentation that proves he's untreated right now. I can request U/A's, and request him to go to AA and provide documentation that is valid to show he's following through. I plan on giving all this to the attorney as well and see if its possible to mediate out of court. I know my "a" doesn't have the money to pay legal fees or obtain an attorney, that doesn't stop him from schmoozing the girlfriend to come up with the money. I say let her come and sit front and center stage to hear the dysfunction of our life, at least she'll hear what's she's in for.
We'll see what happens, I just let him know that I would fight to the end, fairly and with the truth. I simply said that he didn't just lose a family he lost a friend, and he lost my trust. I wished him well, and let him know I would not be seeing him for a while. Today is the first morning with out a phone call and its been nice. I know God will help me heal and rise above this. No matter what I have myself and my kids. Working in the dependency system and seeing what happens when alcohol and drugs are around children scares the hell out of me. I was always there to protect my kids, I don't trust that someone else could do the same thing. I won't wait for something to happen. If the courts can't help me, I'll help myself.
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
Stick to your boundaries, and your heart. There is an old quote "With other people, think with your heart, with yourself, think with your head." In this case, thinking with your heart could be detrimental as it is easy to get sucked into the heartstrings of guilt...ie:missing his kids, them missing him etc. So, I would stick to my head, and do whats BEST for the kids. Keeping them safe should be first and foremost. Keep going to al-anon, and get healthy for yourself and the kids, you couldn't give them a better life.
Hugs,
aly
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If you keep on doing what you have always done, you will get what you've always gotten !
I certainly hope you the best, especially in dealing with the legal system. So many that have been down that path have ran into some unerveing situations. The system seems many time to adopt the mindset that a drunk parent in a childs life is better than not being in their life at all. I have a couple of friends that just can't seem to get the courts to listen to them and it can get quite fustrating.
Keep coming here to unload. It gets tough enough at times just going through changes.
My prayers of safety will be with you and your children.
I think you have done absolutely the right thing, and done your kids the very best you can, which is exactly what they deserve! They deserve to feel secure, safe, and loved, no matter what where their parents are concerned, and if he wants to see them, he will have to provide what they deserve so much and put himself second (rightly so, for the first time in a while, I am guessing).
excellent ... I just recently posted on your earlier message. Obviously, too late ... Glad to hear you are trusting your gut and setting clear boundaries. Thanks for sharing where you are on this.
