The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am in the midst of i dont know what, but i know its norhing good......we get through one day of not fighting, only because his son is here, and now that his son has gone home, the bottle of vodka is open and his anger mode is flipped on. Why is it that hevis always the one who needs something when someone has pissed him off. What about me. Why cant i walk out or be alone. Oh right, because i have full responsibility to our child and i am not allowed to leave...im on duty 24/7. We just have a fight about the girl he got pregnant from a one night stand shortly before we met 5 yrs ago. She has been committing check fraud abd stealing from his bank account. He is pissed about it, and at dropoff they had words. Of course he comes home with an attitude and startsxwith me. I started back at him and had to walk away as he suckd down a vodka drink. Of course he is probably relaxing on the couch while i am having an anxiety attack and trying to get our son settled. I wish i had a place to go a job and financual security. My family threw me away after my divirce and when he and i found out i was pregnant i gave up my job to stay at home. What a fool i am....
it is difficult, especially when there's so much silent frustration building up. The only thing I found that gave me enough of a boost instantly to start working on the deeper stuff was getting out of the house and breaking isolation. Otherwise I just stew and the isms appear bigger and bigger. Be gentle with yourself,keep coming back.
Come into the chat room or attend an online meeting--- You are not alone and you have choices . You know how he will respond so fighting is a waste of time.
Taking care of yourself is important. Do not surrender your serenity, and peace for any silly reason This is a disease you are interacting with and it is irrational.
Going for a walk. praying, attending meeting, meditating, are all great ways to counter the destructiveness of this disease. Figthing, attempting to force solutions, does not work We are powerless but not helpless.
I am in such a prison right now. I am never ever without our son....no babysitter or help. My abf does not watch him ever, because he only wants me and screams when i leave. I havent been able to make it to a ftf. Right now this board is my only outlet :(
Hey Lisa - so sorry for your current state.....nothing changes if nothing changes! If you are not able to find daycare for a F2F meeting, check around - we have several in our area that offer free day care. Also, if you attend the online meetings here, you can step away and come back as your world allows. You are not required to be glued to the screen the entire time.
I had two small ones when my husband relapsed. It was very, very difficult to find me time and to break the cycles. I got very creative - recorded multiple versions of their favorite show so that I could work-out while they watched (kids don't care if they are repeats). We did many field trips to grocery stores, department stores, etc. They went everywhere I went - as I couldn't trust them here with my AH. So, act as if you are a single mother and must do it all.....that was my thinking and when my AH was able to step up and do something of service, it was like a gift.
We went to parks, lots of things that didn't cost much $$ and/or were free. The gift of quality time - fun, pleasant, light-hearted is worth way more than amusement parks, 2 parents, etc. Put you and your child first and if you AH wants to sit around, drink and do nothing but complain, that's on him - you can walk away, leave the house, play with the child, watch a movie, take a bubble bath (after child goes to bed), etc. I had to get real creative and make it different as nothing changes if nothing changes.
(((Hugs))) to you - baby steps each day to care for yourself will help you immensely. The meeting schedule for online is top left - you can arrive late, and follow the meeting protocol and nobody will be concerned. You can leave early if you need to also - nobody judges. We all realize that everyone is doing the best they can in that moment, for that day!
You're not alone!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Hugs Lisa..Google free stuff and your zip code...After getting divorced my son and I did lots of free or cheap things. The more people you meet the more opportunities you'll have to change or better your situation.
Write down one thing you want to accomplish this week and do it..it could be something as simple as sharing 7 days or a complex as filling out an application. Need to take a shower..put the baby in the carrier and bring him in the bathroom with you..same with a bubble bath..When ya only have 2 hands you have to be creative lol..
One of my mantras..I will not let someone steal my joy!
