The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It hurts to love an addict. I have a boyfriend that is on my mind all the time. We do not live together, but I would like to live with him
He uses and drinks a lot. He calls when he wants to and sometimes it is weeks before he calls me to ask me out. He is addicted to drugs and boozes but I am addicted to him. I know I need help.
I see he called me today but didn't leave a voicemail. I hate when he does that. I know this is silly, but I wish I would have been home to take the call.
My self-esteem is very low. I know that. Thanks for letting vent a bit. I read this board often and I am trying to learn a better way to live. Thank you everyone.
-- Edited by lookingforme on Saturday 21st of November 2015 10:24:25 AM
Welcome lookingforme Please search out alanon face to face meetings(the number is in the white pages) and attend. It is here that I found myself, had my self esteem restored while learning new tools to live by . I learned how to focus on myself, break the isolation caused by living with this disease and to shed the destructive tools that I had developed as the result of living with the disease of alcoholism.
i am pleased that you read the Board often because then I am sure that you have learned that alcoholism is a chronic, progressive disease that can be arrested bub never cured . You did not cause it, cannot control it and cannot cure it.
Please remember that you are a wonderful person who deserves to be happy. Please keep coming back so you can learn how to do that.
Isn't it ghastly how we let someone else take up all our mind-space? Well I think it is anyway and yet I still do it far too much. I've come to learn that I do have alternatives and I found it helpful to think about what my dreams of what I wanted from life before before the craziness of someone's alcoholic lifestyle confused my mind. Seeking out and doing things that I enjoy has really helped me to appreciate life and when I look after my own happiness it helps me to be more resilient to other peoples whims.
Whilst I was very nervous when I went to my first Alanon meeting I was met with a feeling of acceptance and kindness and the people there showed me that I didn't have to live a sorrowful life, just by being themselves. Magic really!
Welcome LFM, please think about joining a local Al-Anon group, it is there you will learn why you have chosen to become so attached to an addict. http://al-anon.org/find-a-meeting We have two meetings a day on this board and you can start working the 12-step program here as well. Please keep coming back, you are not alone.
__________________
"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
I too welcome you to MIP lookingforme - so glad you found us and glad you took that first step and posted about yourself.
I agree that Al-Anon would be a great decision that you make for yourself. Your first sentence is spot on - it hurt and it shouldn't...the program can help you be and do different, and find peace/joy no matter what he is or is not doing.
Keep coming back - we're all here for you - one day at a time!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I've come to learn that I do have alternatives and I found it helpful to think about what my dreams of what I wanted from life before before the craziness of someone's alcoholic lifestyle confused my mind. Seeking out and doing things that I enjoy has really helped me to appreciate life and when I look after my own happiness it helps me to be more resilient to other peoples whims.