The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
One of my challenges is releasing this anger i carry around. Since my abf and i have been together i have taken on so much weight of anger from things that have ocurred, during his drunkiness. Whenever something upsets him, he starys with the heavy drinking. Today he found out something that understandable put him into an amgry state of mind. Had drinks and went out on his motorcycle. Didnt return home when he said he would and called me telling me he frashed his bike down the street. When i picked him up he was walking home laughing hysterically drunk. Calling his addict brother on the phone bragging qbout how he totaled his bike. Secobd totaled bike since june, both times drunk. Wth is wrong with him....does he not think of me home with our son trying to get him to bed. Having to drag him.out at 730 while he is acting like a child himself. And he is laughing at me when i express my concern. I am so mad and finding it really tough to keep quite and not start a battle. But i definately dont want that. He will be upstairs in minutes bragging about his accident and how tough he is....i cant even take it
Maybe attending the online meeting here tonight might help a bit, help you feel less alone with the drama that's going on at your house.
Looks like from your posts, you're pretty new to Alanon. Maybe you've been to a few meetings and have a list of phone numbers of people in the program who dont mind receiving a call. There's really nothing you can do about his drinking or the consequences of it for him. I know it's very upsetting. Many of us have experienced these things. The good news is that you can keep going forward be a loving mom to the kids and a loving person to yourself through this. The whole family doesn't have to be turned upside down because of the irresponsible things he's doing while he's drunk.
If you can get to meetings, some have childcare. A sponsor in Alanon can be really helpful too. Gawd, I remember feeling so embarrassed about what was going on and not having anyone to turn to. Anyway, if you can at all work it out that you can go and keep going to in person Alanon meetings, the in person support really can help.
I hope you have an OK night. ALthough it may not seem like it at the moment, you have lots to look forward to. Hope you'll keep coming back for recovery with us.
(((hugs))) TT
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Friday 20th of November 2015 08:40:36 PM
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
The serenity prayer repeated over and over in my head helped me to not react by engaging in a useless argument that only left me feeling more angry, depressed and full of self pity. You did well in processing this and coming here to share.
Yo are not alone and there is hope
lisad - so sorry for what the disease is bringing into your life. Embrace the program and throw yourself in the middle of it as best you can. For me, in the beginning, I had moments of serenity by doing small program things. Today, my days are serene, and I am moments of insanity/crazy thinking. The program has turned it all around for me - I just had to be willing.
Willing to accept I could not control, change or cure anyone else. Willing to accept I played a part in the drama/chaos. Willing to try and learn to be and do different.
My hope is you have found some peace, just for today and can do small things for you that will help your serenity. He's gonna do what he's gonna do - and it stinks to watch it. Try to do something different - Betty's suggestion is a grand start!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
What is the serenity prayer....how do i follow the program...right now all i have is this online community. I cant get to ftf meeting because im so busy with three kids.
Today he woke up saying how sorry he was about last night begging for forgiveness...its the same pattern everytime. He has rwo personalities and it messes with my mind. I despise the drunk, but idk how i feel when he is just buzzed...he is never sober, but most normal when he is just buzzed.....
