The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
so I've been a posting loon lately totally reactive and not at all sensible. I'm tired. I want to let go and let god with my whole mum situation and I'm not sure how. Drama, drama drama. I feel bad about a family situation, a wide ranging one. I'm taking comfort knowing that were all affected and conditioned. But, I'm also determined not to get sucked in again. This for me means not engaging emotionally, or jadeing
or taking an all or nothing stance. Also, I don't have to be perfect, but I can still try my best to be honest and the person I want to be. I'm trying not to panic. I don't want to hurt my mum or play with the family bees. I don't want to put myself in a position to be emotionally abused with guilt trips either. Ots been so long since I have been involved with drama, I forgot how awful it feels. Today, someone else's victim routine made me feel angry, small, and deeply ashamed. I grew up feeling that way, shamed shamed and shamed again and no more no more. I will not do that to myself,now that I am free of dependence. Thanks for being here.
Before trying to see your part how about stopping for a moment just to breathe. That's a lot to carry around in the middle of everything else. Big big hugs. Be gentle with you first and then it will be easier to see the right response for you. I have yo disengage for me dealing with someone who has no boundaries and will not respect mine, forget about anytime else's. So I need time to regroup and breathe. Hugs. Right now is not the time to solve world problems. Take time to recharge.
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
I keep working the steps and then re-working them, talking and reading the Al-Anon literature until it becomes second nature. Letting go of my ego and focusing on the present and not on the past/future.
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
Sometimes for me, I need to detach - with or without love - a slight indifference. Very much like what Serenity says - stop, breathe and regroup. This program has taught me that the 3 Cs can be used beyond the disease and what a gift.....I have learned that it's not my job to fix, control, mediate, etc. in my family. Things tend to be as they are supposed to be and if it's not my circus and not my monkeys, I do not engage, at all, for any reason.
I love what Debb says too - the steps and this program help me to realize each day and remember that I can only work on me. Improve me. Be the best person I can be. I have to allow others to live their lives, however they desire, and take care of me and my side of the street.
I sometimes consider what if I weren't here. What would they do then? Because, this is a stark reality - we are all only here temporarily...I am quite certain that God will direct and lead them just as he does me. When I believe that God leads all, it's easier to let go and let him.
(((Hugs))) - One day at a time!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
(((A4)) I hear and do understand. I have found that when I take the time to place the focus back on myself and honestly examine my motives ,I can evaluate how to place principles above personalities and not allow others to interrupt my peace and hard won serenity.
Acceptance of others and life on life's term is the key. I also remind myself of the slogan "Live and let Live." By doing this I give myself permission to live my life without interference from others and for me to give the same courtesy to others.
Be gentle with yourself -- You are human and doing fine.
Pick what you like and practice it...is what I learned. Those wise saying and slogans and the stuff I learned in meetings. They are all there for me to use because using them works. Learning that "No" is a complete sentence and I don't have to repeat it over and over...say it once and then act it out. I learned I could oppose without being oppositional like saying "No" and then "how about some lunch or shopping or anything else rather than disease issues". That worked(s) for me and I get to maintain my piece of mind and serenity. Although I am a former therapist within the recovery industry of this disease I found saying "I don't know about that" regarding an issue I was being asked to spend time and effort on or "Let me think on it, I've got other stuff to take care of first" often worked in my favor and later on the issues became a non-issue.
I get to choose my role and/or choose my participation or lack of participation. They get to make their own choices and have their own consequences. I get very very cautious when I realize my attitudes are in take over mode. I don't even take over problems of my sponsees so I get to celebrate their discoveries and successes. (((hugs)))
I love what you say about not wanting to play with the "family bees". I have a situation coming up and I will remember that picture and I will refuse to get involved with the "family bees".
Family wasps maybe lol. Well, dug deep and have decided to roll with the good. Love is growing and letting go of what no longer serves you. We both fall into this mode of emotional distress and I don't have to. It is a form of detachment I suppose, ive said I shall make my own way in the world,come what may, and I'm happy to discuss kids, work and outsiders, not family, men, and a few other things. If she needs me in future ill deal with it then. Its still not perfect but nothing is. There are a lot of things wrapped up in this decision I haven't mentioned here, major things, but letting go and protecting myself are my priorities and I'm not putting those to the side again. Takes too long to clean up the mess! Thank experience. X
