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I'm only in Alanon two months. Just found what I think will be my home group--I've been going to three meetings a week, different ones. I'm a fairly quiet person and even the group sharing is a big step (and difficult) for me! Getting a sponser seems insurmountable. How is it done? I just ask?
HI again I found this information from Alanon WSO helpful
Choosing a Sponsor doesnt have to be a scary process Print Email
I often find that newcomers are reluctant to ask anyone to be their Sponsor. I usually hold up my wedding ring and say, Its not a lifetime commitment or a long term contract. When I first got into Al‑Anon, it was suggested that I get a Sponsor. There was only one other man in my group, so I asked him. Well, I guess I can, was his answer. So, I had a Sponsor. I didnt call him; we only talked at meetings, if we talked at all. I didnt tell him much about myselfbut I had a Sponsor! One day at work, I was talking to a woman who was also in the fellowship about some problem. Do you have a Sponsor? she asked. I hesitated. Well get you one, she said. Thats how I met Frank. Frank was younger than I was, and was divorced from the alcoholic in his life, but had been in the fellowship longer. He was the one who started me on the Steps. Unfortunately, he left the fellowship and I never saw him again. My next Sponsor, John, showed up at an open A.A. meeting that my wife and I attended. Let me tell you a little about John and I: Im tall, John was short; Im from a small town in the Midwest, John was from New York City; Im of one religion, John was of another; we were of different political parties; he golfed and I fish. Probably, the only thing we had in common was our Irish heritage. Yet over the years, John got to know me better than any other person on earthbetter than my wife, my parents, or my best friend. It was with John that I did most of my Step work. It was John who helped me through the land mines of the Eighth and Ninth Steps. Ill sponsor you, John told me, when I first asked him, But Im not your marriage counselor. When John died, I was one of the pallbearers at his funeral. After his death, I was lost. Luckily, Al‑Anon had just published Opening Our Hearts, Transforming Our Losses (B-29). I got one of the first copies. Thank you Al‑Anon. It took almost two years for me to find my current Sponsor, Pat. Someone asked me how I chose a Sponsor and I said, Irishmen from New York seem to work for me! Pat and John couldnt be more different. For example, Johns humor wasnt always apparent, while Pats always ready to laugh. Pat still lives in New York City, but he visits on a regular basis and I call him often. (That 500 pound phone has gotten a lot lighter over the years.) I am learning to trust him much more quickly than I did Johnand thats due to Johns extension of trust. I also have a Service Sponsor. Hes an important part of my program and I refer to him whenever I need guidance in the Traditions and the Concepts. I have taken on service responsibilities that I wouldnt normally have because I knew I had a good Service Sponsor to guide me. Service, like the Steps, is about growth. I also sponsor guys and I get much more out of it than I give. By Terry K., Florida
attending meetings I listened to hear what a person shared and if I felt I could connect. I reached out and when I did I also understood they could say "no "and it was not personal -- they were simply not free
Betty - that's a great read....thank you for sharing!
I've seen meeting leaders ask for those who are willing to be a sponsor to raise their hands. I have also seen attendees share that they are looking for a sponsor at the end of their share. There's no one way or a perfect way - just find someone that 'has what you want' and ask. At times, that person may feel too busy/spread out and say No....this is rare, but it does happen. If it does, don't take it personally - just keep looking.
I also got phone numbers for a few ladies and we text/chat often during the week. Just keep in touch and check on each other....it's such a gift to have others who understand and can relate...
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene