The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Wow I was so looking forward to peace from XABF being gone back to "camp" on the other side of the country for a few weeks. I got exactly what I asked HP for...peace and quiet in my little town with no more chances of a run in. Yet here I am crying...why? Well because last time we spoke (almost 2 weeks ago) he said something about not coming back, and going somewhere else for Xmas. I did not focus on those words because I was really hung up on him telling me about his new woman from AA that he was taking away for the weekend...
The truth is that he is now scheduled to take his days off on the other side of the country. Last time he did this I flew out to see him and we toured about. I think I'm sitting here thinking about him doing the same thing with someone else mere months later and it hurts. I am angry that he is happy, although I know it's probably superficial, and I am sitting here really wounded. Then I am also stuck on the idea that maybe he'll fly her off somewhere for a nice Christmas. That just makes me hurt more.
Funny, I know I'm my own worst enemy right now. I'm thinking too much and over analyzing things that I just shouldn't even worry about. I should be enjoying the fact that at a minimum he will not set foot in this community until December 23. That is supposed to be way better than Dec 2.
As an aside, I have told his sponsor (who is local) that I just can't talk to him right now. He's a nice guy and has been in the program a long time but I know him through XA. Whlie he has been supportive of me, he has also kept XA struggles between them as he should. Unfortunately as some of these things come out, those truths hurt me more. Like why not tell me he's a cheater and to run away? Once upon a time we all used to work together as well so it just seems like if I talk to the sponsor, I may in advertently hear things I don't want to or just get reminders of things passed that hurt too much to face. Kind of like right now I want to pick up the phone and call him and say are you serious, is he taking that new chick back east, or away for Christmas and stuff?! I can't do that to myself. Really need to let it go.
(((OceanTide))) - Christmas is a long ways off - see if you can come back to this day, this moment and just that. This is what I have to do when I start projecting, esp. when it involves other people and their plans/happiness. I also had to learn that comparing my insides to other people's outsides is just not fair - it's apples and oranges.
I am sorry that you're where you are. Do something special if possible just for you - a nap, a walk, a milkshake, anything --- big or small --- just for you.
You are worthy and you are worth it.
You are not alone - we're all just a post away!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks Iamhere. I needed that little reminder about today only. It really isn't very productive for me to get worked up about the next five or six weeks and forget that I should just make myself breakfast and have a cup of coffee.
I am so grateful for this board, knowing that someone in some time zone will likely be around when I need a little help.
That sounds like a grand plan - I love MIP too - saved my backside way, way more than even I probably realize!
(((Hugs))) to you!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
