The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I kind of just am writing this post to vent a little. I am so upset. I crossed my boundaries last night and I let my AH have a fight. I found him talking to other women again and when I asked him about it he actually admitted it. He started yelling at me accusing me of things that I have or would not ever do and instead of walking away or leaving like the boundary I set up I was sucked right in and continued to fight. It was mostly out of being hurt. I am tired and sad and just don't know if I can do this anymore. I'm wondering am I at my breaking point? Is this enough? I have secluded myself from him all day and I am starting to come around to calmness and peace. But the hurt is still there. He ran out of alcohol today and I am with holding money so he can not go buy anymore. He sobered up a little bit and has cried and apologized but Im not sure that I believe it anymore. I understand this is his illness, but am I risking myself, my sanity and my morals too many times? How many times can this happen before I just walk away?
((CSPWILl))) I am so sorry that this painful situation occurred and would like to assure you that alanon is a difficult program that cannot be implement 100% over night , We look for progress not perfection as we work to change life long patterns.
Simply establishing the boundary was huge, that you could not follow through was human. You have detached enough now to see the results of engaging so that the next time you will be able to do so faster.
I know the hurt is still there and I am glad that you came here to receive the love and support you deserve. Remember the serenity prey wher ewe ask HO for courage, serenity and wisdom. Please know you will receive these so that you will not react to the insanity and will respond in a healthy manner to protect yourelf and unborn child. Take time to listen to the still small voice within.j
cspwili - I too am sorry that you are living with this disease and your diseased qualifier. I too love that you set a boundary. We are only looking for progress, and not perfection. What I see that is a miracle is how quickly you are working to recover from the event. Even if you didn't react as you wanted, I bet you reacted differently - which was an Aha moment for me. The program concepts get in us and when we begin to act and be different, often the qualifier will up the anti.
I too am sending positive thoughts and prayers your way. Embracing this program was the best thing I could ever do for me, not for anyone else. My hope is you continue with your recovery and have similar results!
(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
