The material presented
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Please forgive me if I'm doing this wrong..its been almost 20 years since I've been in a relationship with an addict lol..I was lucky my radar was always able to detect them a mile away..bye
But somehow this one got past me..in September I met an amazing man, we'd both been through the emotional blender..trust was a big issue with both of us..I went into this relationship like I have in the past..taking everything he said with not 10 but 50 grains of salt lol..
Sure he was late a couple times, somethings seemed kinda strange but we're bikers and sometimes when you're on the road ya lose track of time..
Last week he dropped a huge bomb..he'd fallen asleep on the couch..when he woke up he said "I've got to stop doing drugs" I almost threw up..I couldn't breathe, I couldn't cry..it was like..I know it sounds cliche' but it was like a bad dream..
We we at his place (about an hour away) and I was stuck lol..I had to sit there and absorb everything he said when I really wanted to run away and scream..He said he'd wanted to tell me before but he knew what I had been through with my former spouse ..
So here I am..at a cross roads..didn't hear from him yesterday so now I'm wondering if I should cut my losses and move on..
Hugs. Only you will know if you need to move on. You've only been with him since September and he let out a big bomb on you. It's ok to take time to absorb it all and it's OK to pray about it and decide what is right for you. I've been with my boyfriend since April (7 months) and if he told me he had a drug problem or addiction or if I discovered it: I know for a fact that I'd have to walk away. I spent 23 years living with an alcoholic with the past 4 years in serious addict mode. I can't go back to it again. Even though I love him and I know he has a loving and kind heart, I just know I couldn't live with that hanging over our relationship.
Everybody is different though and you may have boundaries that are more flexible. I'm sorry you find yourself here again, but you probably know by now that a meeting is a great place to get back into program and maybe help you find clarity in this situation.
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
Welcome ceewit Thank you for your honesty I can understand your concern and would like to suggest that before taking any action regarding your relationship, that you search out alanon face to face meetings in your community, find the schedule and plan on attending.
It was at these meetings that I learned that alcoholism is a chronic, progressive disease that could be arrested but never cured. I did not cause it, could not control it and could not cure it.
That as the result of living with the disease, I too had developed negative coping tools that hurt me and that I had to shed in oureer to have a successful life.
Keeping the focus on myself, my needs, living one day at a time, responding to situations without reacting and trusting a Power greater than myself Helped me to make healthy choices
Keep coming back-- You are worth it.
Yeah..I mean this is the only place that people truly understand where I'm at right now and what I'm going through. Boundaries umm absolutely no drugs at my house or using when we're together..
He said he wants to quit, but what addict hasn't??I had forgotten what the meth come down was like..sleep and eat...
We did get out one afternoon spent it riding and visiting sober folks..I told him not to quit for me, he has to do it for himself
Thank you so much for responding..I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders..
You ladies are amazing..yeah I'm trying to find a f2f meeting in my area..with work and volunteering arrgh lol "did not cause it, could not control it and could not cure it. " Yeah that's my mantra lol
I feel better prepared this time lol..as prepared as you can be loving an addict..The first time around I lost my job because I was such a mess lol..umm have you ever tried to sleep when someone was banging around in the bathroom all night lol..
I had a bad night last night but that made me realize even more that I needed to get back in these rooms
I'm so sorry this is happening but glad you have found us.
In my experience, it's been impossible to require that they not be under the influence while they're with us. The whole thing about addiction is that it's deceptive and compulsive. They can not do it in plain view, or do it in plain view. But they will do it, or they wouldn't be addicts.
I know it's so tough when we have to reassess and re-understand everything that's happening.
What strikes me is that you find out that this person is a drug addict, or at least heavily into drugs and in trouble from it. And you've been through that before and have experienced the misery that can cause. But your response is "I haven't heard from him for a day so maybe he's ended it?" Often we give the power of the relationship to the other person. The way I'm looking at it, whether this is a good relationship for you isn't primarily whether he's in contact regularly. It's whether being with a drug addict is something you're okay with.
Although addiction is difficult to overcome, there are thousands, probably millions, of addicts in solid recovery. So I wouldn't personally ever say "Don't date someone who's in solid recovery from addiction." But people who haven't started recovery yet - they have a long and rough way to go, and many don't make it far. It helps to watch carefully, to get a sure idea of where they are, not just where they say they are!
I hope you'll find a local meeting too. As you know, this is a much harder road walked alone. But as you know, you can live a good and happy life no matter what decisions he makes. Hugs.
Today has been a day of reality checks..maybe he'll get sober, maybe he won't..My business is whether I want to deal with it..I think right now..at this moment I may have to love him from across the street..I dunno
I can sit here and speculate why I haven't heard from him, but that would be a waste of time..right now I chose not to leave work early, drive to his place, call everyone he knows, call hospital roflmao..I did that and more 20 years ago
I've seen the hideous side of addiction, the down and dirty..the blood on the walls, bent spoons..I was married to someone who until he almost killed me I didn't leave..
Since we don't live together I'm able to detach..sent him a text..no response..I go on with my day..
That is one of the gifts I've carried with me through the years..the only thing I chase now is a loose dog lol
Hi Again On line meetings are help here 2xs a day. They are held in the chat room,which can be accessed by clicking on the chat room icon at the top of the page Here is teh schedule i
Morning Meetings
Mon. - Fri. at 9am EST
Sat. - Sun at 10am EST
Each Sunday morning at 10 am EST, we will be having a Spiritual meeting with a topic relating to the Spiritual part of our program.
Thank you..I already tried to get on lol..you'd think employers would be glad their employees are doing this..Hopefully my phone will cooperate and I can join the discussion tongiht
You made me smile with your reference to chasing loose dogs - much more fun! Thank you for that.
Here is the chap I run after.
-- Edited by milkwood on Wednesday 18th of November 2015 12:47:31 PM
lol dogs are my passion..I volunteer for a local rescue organization..I used to sit home a whine and complain about my life..instead of doing that I try to give back as much as possible..No matter what I'm going through there are people who have it worse..Wish I was out there with your pup instead of this cell aka cubicle lol
ceewi - Hello and welcome to MIP! So glad you found us and so glad you are sharing...
So very sorry that you find yourself in this situation. We can all relate in one or more fashions - this disease is so damaging and reaching.
The 3 Cs meant the world to me when I stumbled upon Al-Anon. They carried me until I could get to a meeting. The lovely folks at the meeting made me feel a part of from the start and I began to embrace recovery as quickly as I could. The pain doesn't lesson when we remain untreated - my experience is that I can get just as sick as my qualifier(s) if I am not standing in the middle of recovery.
I hope you are able to get to a local meeting - if not, the online ones are great! Typically folks show up on time or a few minutes before and the format is very much like the F2F meetings. So, if you get to one, you'll get a feel for how meetings go.
I love fur-babies too! My current 'love' is Layla, and she's between 8-11 years ago - rescued as an adult. She's the sweetest dog ever and I love to chase her. She's starting to slow just a bit, so our running has slowed to walking. She's just the most grateful being I've been around and has inspired me to be a better human!!!
Glad you are here - keep coming back - know that you aren't alone!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
