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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> cutting off diseased people.
Post Info TOPIC: cutting off diseased people.
a4l


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cutting off diseased people.
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this was a vent. Essentially, sometimes we have to let go. More specifically, I have to let go.



-- Edited by a4l on Monday 16th of November 2015 03:21:24 AM



-- Edited by a4l on Monday 16th of November 2015 03:23:00 AM

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SerenityRUS


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I look at my own situation with my mom and I have come to the decision she's someone I have yo love from afar. I really don't want her knowing anything about my life. It's to the point of drama that she probably doesn't even realize how crazy she sounds she's so negative and says things to me that are beyond inappropriate. Wishing me to fail inn my new state .. Making her responses up as she goes, statements about she should have adopted more children. That one makes me laugh. So I have drastically limited my contact with her at this point. I wish I had more program/maturity something .. I just don't. I choose to continue to work on myself give her to her higher power and just love her from afar. Some people are just so toxic it's the healthiest response. Hugs. If you find a different way share! I know how I struggle with this .. I can only empathize with your situation.

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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism.  If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown

"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
a4l


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thanks serenity. It just ****s me that I spent years raising her, which is really messed up in itself, and defending and being loyal and now I feel really conflicted because what if everything was a lie? What if all the evil people in my old lives were right about her, and what does that mean? The other thing is, growing up with her meant moving alot and never completing anything, imprints I still srruggle with today. After a year or two in one place, I start getting itchy feet and want to move. I know I need to do this, but its really hard, I still love her. Just cant figure out what's real and what isn't. Thanks alot for replying, and I hope you get to a pool table soon!



-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 16th of November 2015 07:10:42 AM

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missmeliss


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The way I get peace from this kinda stuff is by doing the absolute opposite with my daughter. Providing her with what I feel I did not have and protecting her from that which I feel I wasn't protected from seems to heal those wounds for me.
And oh boy do I understand itchy feet. Lets buy a ye olde horse-drawn caravan and raise our children as Gypsies together?


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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
a4l


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Yes, I think of my daughters and the hard thing is, my mum is a smothering one. Love you, love you,love you, princess, angel, love of my life.no boundaries, ever. And no stability. So, of course, I want to lock them in a tower, make them get jobs as soon as they reach legal age, and also get four or five large rottweilers to keep the boys away. Which will probably just make them more appealing. Lol.xx

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Iamhere


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Boy.....I could write a novel on this thread, but I won't.

I worked to do my very best with my children. My parents were not 'physical' - no hugs, not much 'love yous', etc. Just not very demonstrative. I chose to be/do different.

My parents were very punitive and believed in corporal punishment; I chose to be/do different.

I never expected to be 'parent of the year'. But, I was a loving, caring, boundary-setting mother. I was not a friend, but I would move heaven/earth for them.

They never saw me under the influence; I talked to them early about this disease and their risks. We lived in a nice home, two parents, best schools in the state.

They had the freedom and we had the resources for them to play sports, do band, be Scouts, etc.

And - they still lost their way, became afflicted with this disease and blame me for it all.

So - I have not cut them off, but I have very specific and definitive boundaries and am no longer a driver, a bank, and any other title/role you could put in here that feels like I am being used. I have always hoped to be close with my boys and we were until their first drug/drink. It all changed and it's difficult to watch/live through. However, there came a point where I had to just accept and work on me. I want them to find their own journey and their own joy. I'd love for it to be happy and healthy. However, I have no influence over them as they were on loan to me. They are now their own persons and God's children.

There are a few folks in my family that I would love to cut all ties with. However, I just do it informally and then when we have to be together (wedding/funeral/holiday), I can act civil and remember that it's not about me....

(((Hugs))) - people are as baffling to me as this disease is. About the time I think I have it figured out, everything changes and I am learning again....*sigh* - it is what it is - eh?

Take care of you and let God take care of the rest. I have to believe he knows what is best for me, otherwise I get crazy all over again...

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
Debb


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I find detachment works well without have to totally cut of my relationship(s).



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 "Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown

Debbie
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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> cutting off diseased people.