The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
C2C reading for 11 15 speaks about reacting in a hurt and frightened manner if someone looks angry or speaks in an angry voice to me.
The reading states that often the person has stuff going on within them and their mood has nothing to do with us. Our reactions, feeling frightened and guilty is ."interesting" enough a form of conceit . It is conceit because unconsciously we think we are the focus of everyone's actions and that we are so important that we affect everything and everyone around us.
This attitude reflects our" vanity" and not "reality". Vanity is simply a defect of character that we are working on removing. With alanon tools such as the slogans we can slowly work at lessening the impact of these"Hurt "feelings.
Being able to validate myself and now my assets helps me in this endeavor. Detachment is the key Identifying what is my responsibliity and what is not helped me to respond to situations by validating myself (when necessary) and keeping the focus on myself.
The quote is from "Living with Sobriety:" It was through going to meetings, and the daily readings of alanon literature that I awakened to the fact that what other people did and said reflected on them. What I did and said reflected on me"
I am learning that placing principles above personalities and treating everyone with courtesy and respect pays off big time. My self esteem(not conceit) grows as does my serenity
I am playing catch up - yesterday was a busy day....in/out - thank you Betty for the daily and for your ESH.
What helps me 'in the moment' of an angry glare or angry words hurled my way is the beloved QTIP!!! Last weekend, my girls week-end, I actually taught them all this and they were impressed. I had to laugh to myself as I didn't tell them where it came from or how important it is to me.
I often am in awe over how a smart gal like myself could personalize every glance, humpt, and moan before this program. I always assumed that every dissatisfaction in the life of my qualifiers was my fault - even when they didn't tell me. I certainly believed them when they did blame me....but to 'own their stuff' when they didn't was beyond insanity for this gal.
I have to realize that, "Everybody's got something, and it's not about me." I also have to remember that just because I have a program that is helping me act/react different and better, they do not. So, if they act or react in a manner that is unexpected or just wrong, it doesn't have to be about me or anything I've said, done or not done!
What freedom this has given me. I truly believe that the more peace I find within me and my heart the more confident I am. I did not realize the correlation between self-esteem and serenity until I did the step work in this program to identify what 'makes me tick'. So, so grateful for this program and the MIP family!
(((Hugs)))
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
