The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As I noted here earlier today, the knowledge that I am not obliged to react immediately...to anything. Instead, I can take my time and respond in a way that works for me.
The freedom from the need to JADE...about anything. I don't owe anyone an explanation for the way I go about being me.
Confidence in my own decision making power. Determination to develop and nurture that confidence.
An understanding that other people have their own journeys, their own HP's, and pretty much zero need for my directives.
Probably best of all has been developing the practice of being in the "now".
The knowledge that I am not garbage, I do not deserve to be a scapegoat, and I have a responsibility to myself to require serenity comfort and joy for myself.
I could go on all night.....lol!
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Well, missmeliss covered so much and I second all of it, but for me, the single most important thing I learned was that I am responsible for ME. I learned that my XAH's actions in our marriage may have been unacceptable, but that it was on ME because I accepted those behaviors and attitudes. I thought i was responsible because I was a mom, paid my bills on time, managed my house, got to events and appointments on time, etc etc.....but, I never understood what responsible meant when it came to boundaries and emotional health.
With that said, lol, I did engage with my XAH in a very negative way last night because he pushed so many buttons I had had enough!!! I was less than pleasant in my email back AND I took his bait. But, another thing I love about program is that I can choose to start my day over at any time. I can forgive myself for taking the bait and I can remind myself to do better next time. Sometimes it's hard to not throw a low punch when you feel like you're being kicked and punched as well. The ability to forgive and love myself has been key!
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
Great topic - and ... I agree - there are so, so many.
Perhaps the greatest gift (for just today) for me is the stillness in my brain from the perpetual racing negative thoughts. As I read your post and began to think, that came front and center.
I love that I can wake up, start my day and actually be still, focus, have clarity of mind, etc.
When I first got here, I woke up with anxiety and the second/next thought or emotion was dread. Dread for the day, the next issue, the worry over what others were doing/were not doing, etc. I no longer have that, and that gift gives me the power to choose what's next.
So grateful that this program gave me back me, and a peaceful mind to actually consider what is the next right thing in this day for my joy, happiness, life.
Thanks for starting this!! (((hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Peace of mind. Good solid friendships. The ability to be a good friend. Joy & the ability to laugh even at myself. Principles to live by. I new home in the meeting rooms & the worldwide fellowship as a whole. A place to go where I can be myself & be there for others. To be glad that I am alive & be of some use.
I have recieved a multitude of gifts from the program ... but I think the biggest so far are: 1) A real, meaningful, and trusting relationship with my Higher Power 2) Learning to live in the present 3) Learning to be grateful for all that I have been blessed with in my life to date.
Those 3 gifts provide the foundation for the rest of my recovery.
In a word- HAPPINESS. I wanted to be happy again. I didn't know where it went in my life. I was relying on the wrong people. I had to rely on myself and my HP. I got happy again.
Boundaries, detachment, One Day at a Time, Serenity Prayer, that I am important and need to take care of me first, taking a stand and sticking with it, listen more and talk less.
ive only been with al anon for a short amount of time but I have already received so much. My sanity, clarity and hope again. I have learned that just because this is my husbands illness I don't have to go down with the ship and get involved every time he engages in unacceptable behavior. I have also learned how to set up boundaries to protect myself and my sanity.
As I noted here earlier today, the knowledge that I am not obliged to react immediately...to anything. Instead, I can take my time and respond in a way that works for me.
