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Hi friends~Ah yes the holiday is approaching. My spouse is attempting not to drink, and my son and daughter-in-law are trying to loose a little weight. My sister-in-law knows my spouse has a drinking problem and a few years back, did not serve alcohol. I thought that was so sensitive and supportive and I thanked her. This year she has asked my son to bring the wine, which is bad for everyone. My son's family is waiting for a disability settlement and have been struggling with money for several years. I am so disappointed in my sis in law. She and my brother are hosting at their house and I feel it is not my place to express myself in this instance. My sis in law got mad at me and my son for not attending a big party for her birthday. It was also my mom's 92 birthday and that is where we went. I believe she is harboring resentment and thus made these decisions. Step 1, yes? Serenity Prayer, Slogans, etc. I can do this with my alanon tool box, Lyne
Lyne, I can understand how you feel, having the alcohol present at the Thanksgiving meal can definitely cause some worry. I personally would not worry, because Al-Anon has taught me that I cannot control what is out of my hands. MY AH has the power to drink or not drink and it is his decision and not for me to control. Hope that helps you.
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
Tools, indeed! Lyne, I admire how you are coming into the holiday season with a good attitude.
If we know there is going to be alcohol around, we can plan ahead how to deal with it for ourselves (and let others deal with it however they will). We didn't Cause it to be there, we can't Control it, and we can't Cure whatever effects it has on others. If there will be resentful people around, we can plan how to deal with it ... Detach. Live and Let Live. My current favorite tool is "They have a HP and it isn't me."
Thanks for posting Lyne Holidays are difficult. I know my family would always offer my hubby , a hard core alcoholic, in AA, a drink when he arrived-- They just did not understand-- he was more gracious than I but I finally let it go.
Family gatherings often make me want to pull my favorite "tool" out of my tool box a HAMMER and hit them over the head with it lol. I know I am unrealistic when I expect others to understand the A and the relationship with alcohol. Heck it took me a long time to" get it" and some days I still don't.
Holiday can suck.....the stress alone for one person and interacting with dysfunctional family is challenging. When you add active illness and fear of the unknown, it can just be more than we want to do/deal with...
Having said that, this program has given me the realization that I am only responsible for me. If I am not in the right place, I can choose to not go. I can certainly also decide to host for just my small family and avoid the extended. I have choices and today, I have the ability to make them in the best interest of my sanity first and then others second.
The serenity prayer, the steps and the daily readers truly help me most right now. It's not about what we wear, what we bake, what me make or what we take. It's about the ability to be with and enjoy peace and serenely as possible. You can and you will get through this - lean into the program and lean into your HP!!
(((Hugs))) to everyone!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
