The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was abused both mentally and verbally by the woman who helped my dad raise me when I was younger. My mom left us when I was 3 and a half and this woman who was working for my dad offered to help him because he has his own business which is still open and dad couldn't always be home for my sister and me or take us to appointments. Things were perfectly fine for a long time until about 2006 when she got a degree in social work from the local community college and started to drink regularly.In between this time she would say stuff to me randomly about how I was to blame for some stuff but once she started to drink alcohol regularly, she slowly became more and more belligerent towards me and would often punish me for things that weren't even a big deal such as burning some popcorn even though I turned off the microwave as soon as it started to burn or not calling her whenever I left my apartment. She'd also say some pretty horrible stuff which I believed to be true such as I was the reason no man ever wanted her and that I even ruined my parents' marriage and my mom left just so she wouldn't have to deal with me. I didn't have any reason to think she would or could lie to me because she was basically a "mom" to me for so long and she ironically hated liars even though she was a big one herself. She'd even set me up to lie sometimes just so she could punish me. I also know for a fact that she spent my own money on wine because I personally saw her use it right in front of me. She said she would replace it as soon as she got paid but I cannot prove that she didn't do it as I wasn't around her 24 hours a day. Any money I ever got had to be given to her immediately and when I cashed and spent a $100 that my mom gave me for Christmas in 2010, the lady snapped and physically assaulted me. I had to literally run from her and I was lucky that she had broken her foot while at work a few months before and couldn't chase me down. I wouldn't put it past her to chase me if her foot wasn't broken. She grabbed my coat as I was running out her door and let go when I screamed for help because she knew she couldn't stop me. There is so much more that this woman did to me that it is still affecting my entire life that I'm even afraid to clean my apartment at times because of how she was never satisfied with how well I cleaned her entire house or my apartment and made me do it all over again from the beginning no matter how long it took me. I will tell everyone more about certain episodes that still stick to my mind in increments because there are so many and so long for one post to hold.
Welcome to this online alanon group. It is
Recomended for people to attend regular face
To face alanon meetings to get the help they
Need also many members still go to regular
Therapy.
Alanon is about facing ourselves and getting
Stronger. Its not about reliving the horror
Stories we all could tell. Most of us come
From dysfunction and /or alcoholism.
I hope you do plan on attending live meetings
They will help you on your recovery journey
To inner wellness and growth.
There is much to learn if you go with an open
Mind and spirit. It takes strength and courage
To grow and Change with a loving God guiding
you.
Welcome CJP to MIP, Mirandac gave you the best advice, joining an Al-Anon face to face group in your locality and talking with us here on MIP would be the best way for you to start to recover your dignity and sanity. What you have described is definitely cause for your distress and is classic behavior for an alcoholic. You will learn in Al-Anon, that what you went through you did not cause nor could you control, it was the disease rearing it's ugly head. http://al-anon.org/find-a-meeting, please keep coming back to talk with us, you are not alone.
__________________
"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
Thanks. I am planning on attending a meeting this week. The thing is that the woman wasn't even a big drinker until around 2006. While she was helping my dad take care of me, I never saw her drink alcohol that often. She didn't even keep any in her home. Then she went back to school for social work and she started to spiral downward rapidly. She actually told several therapists, one psych, and caseworkers I had lies about me and symptoms that I didn't even have such as a non-existent porn addiction. She actually made me feel guilty for having sexual daydreams and thoughts and basically told me that having them proved I had an "addiction." She even forced me to join an online forum for sex addiction and I only complied because it was literally the only way I could get online for years. I couldn't even give signs that I was making up symptoms to others on that site because the woman would often walk up behind me and see what I was looking at and if I talked negatively about her, I would be punished. She even made me cancel my cable TV because my bill was higher than I had expected because I ordered movies during October and wanted to watch the entire Nightmare on Elm Street series. Her reasoning was that I didn't "deserve" cable and I had nothing to do in my apartment which made things worse because now I was literally watching paint dry for fun. I feel so guilty for making up stuff and lying to others on that website and wish I could go there and tell the truth because I know there were several people on there that truly had a problem and wanted help. I only was on there because it was the only way I could use the internet and look at new Pokemon news. Pokemon is my favorite franchise and the woman even restricted that from me and even took away my DS Lite and games that I bought because she didn't want me playing them at home. I could only use my DS in front of her with an exact time limit which she had enforced. I never got them back and I feel upset still because I had two extremely rare Event Pokemon on there one of which were a one time deal and the other an Event exclusive that has been given out several more times in Japan since then but not in the US for eight years. Should I rejoin the sex addiction site and tell the truth or will everyone there think that I'm in denial even though my old therapist told me that I wasn't even close to one and I was never diagnosed by any doctors for it?
CJP, attending a meeting this week, is an excellent decision and one which you may find will help you with the answers you seek. Working the 12-steps and going to face to face meetings will point you in the right direction.
__________________
"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
