The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It amazes even me, I can be so smooth, together even almost balanced & a monkey wrench is thrown into the works & I'm fully lost in desolation land.
I think of what my therapist said, 'forgiveness is a muscle, it takes practise, patience, work effort a little more each day.' How I ought to not be so hard on myself, to stop beating myself up over everything.
Look at how long it takes to get this messed up, surely we deserve the kind & gentle care, effort required to do the foot work to become well. I can't just snap my fingers & expect everything to change over night. I know I chose these lessons, why is it so hard to remember that during tribulations?
I guess that is part of internalizing & actualizing things... the ways in which the Program seeps in, the ways in which we handle our experiences differently. Not that we are being tested or punished but that what are we really learning, to prove that we are learning new ways of coping & dealing with our lives on life's terms.
Realizing 'wtvr' isn't enough, that's why things seem dismal at times, we have to function all brand new. So I had a breakdown, over a monkey wrench, I'm supposed to "feel" I'm human after all.
It's like a butterfly struggling out of the cocoon, w/out the struggle it wouldn't have the strength to fly away. This is all simply building strength.
A constant in life is change, so i build up to tear down, or that's what God does to us, so we can learn to be flexible & strong & not just dream about taking flight but actually fly away.
love, -Kitty of Light
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I have the same 'self torture' syndrome as you do. I punish myself worse than anyone else ever could. Your therapist is right though... we do this to ourselves. We can learn not to, it just takes time.
You are an inspirational writer, and I appreciate that you are here.
Be nice to yourself!
Oh... and happy birthday month (day 7)
<smile>
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Kitty, you write such true words. Yes, life is a struggle, everyday. But, I can feel myself getting stronger, learning from people like you and turning myself and my A over to HP.
Sure, I'm going to stumble, but if I'm stronger, I can learn how to get up faster, too. And get back in the race!
I, too, am impatient with the healing process, I want it now! Bring on the faith healer! Zap! I'm well and my A husband is well, and we can live a happy contented life........NOT.
Guess HP doesn't work that way. We learn in steps and we grow in steps, just like children learning to walk.
What words of wisdom and great insight kitty. keep on keeping on (((((((Kitty))))) I will think of you and say prayers for your continued growth when I am gone. cdb xoxoxoxoxo
Forgiving myself has been very very difficult and I have to do it daily. There are days when I want to go back to beating myself up but I do not do it. I resist that strategy. Maresie.
