The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Some of you may remember that I attended my HS reunion (35 years) this year, maybe in May. I remember RSVP'ing and being excited in the beginning. As it got closer to the event, I began to second guess my choice to go, be fearful and anxious about seeing people, and answering any questions related to my life. In other words, I was projecting (negatively) and shameful (my life is worse than others) and full of fear.
Well - I attended, and it was great and lovely and better than I could have hoped for. This is so often the reality for me - I agree to do something new/different, I then get anxious/scared and end up finding fun/joy! So, every time I do something different and new to break the isolation and experience life in a different way, the results have been very positive for me. I have yet to say, "I wish I didn't go" after even though I have gone into it with the "I wish I hadn't agreed to go." What a gift of this program.
I am sharing as tomorrow, I am driving to the lake to have a girl's weekend with a few of the lovely HS friends. I'm at the place where I am fearful to go, uncertain how it will be and afraid of being 'less than'. These are not ladies I was super close with in HS - one/two I knew better than the others. They've all kept in close contact over the years, and are truly kind women. I was excited when they included me, and of course said Yes as it felt like the right thing to do.
So, for many reasons - most of which are not clear yet - I am feeling more anxious than excited this morning. I am quite positive my change in mental status has everything to do with this disease and the lasting effects it has on us. My questions for my MIP family - am I alone in being fearful for an experience like this?
I also wanted you all to know that I'll be around less for the next few days because of the trip. I'll take any prayers for safe travels you all can muster up and words of wisdom for a fun trip. We are all staying together in a huge home that we rented - should be a fun trip if I can just let Go and let God...
(((Hugs))) to all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
You are not alone, I faced the same thing this past month with my 45th reunion. Prayers for a safe trip and a happy and peaceful week-end with your HS friends. So excited for you!!
-- Edited by Iamhere on Sunday 31st of January 2021 11:06:24 AM
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
I can relate to these feelings and I too find that when I take part in life then its the right thing to do and the consequences are positive. I think when we are affected by this disease we suffer from low self esteem, the whole are we good enough? will we be accepted? and the fears creep in. I love that Alanon teaches us we are equal, we are worthy, we are neither above or below anyone else, perfect just the way we are. The more we take ourselves out of our comfort zone into the unknown the easier it gets because for me, I have built up trust in myself that I can do these social events and I can forge positive relationships and Im actually likeable and lovealbe and I can be fun to be around too.
Im such a grateful member because now not only do I feel good enough, I can accept others for themselves much more now too. Im tolerant of others and its a gift because then im less likely to feel others wont be able to tolerate my human shortcomings. Enjoy yourself, your great, your an alanon, these women are so lucky to get some time with you and it wont be long until they really know it.x
Thank you all so much......I have no idea why (I am usually not an emotional person) but I got teary while reading the posts....
I am so grateful to have others walking the journey that remind me that I (and we all) are worthy and equal and should have peace/fun with ourselves and others.
I also love that you brought up ANTS Betty - I am spot on right now and it's so nice to hear it's not just me. When fear creeps back in, I often wonder if I am not working enough on myself, my program, etc. which leads to self doubt. I feel a bit calmer already!
(((Hugs))) to all!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
(((Serenity))) - thanks for your input. Staying in the moment and allowing things to happen around me is the best strategy!
I'll circle back and share as I can.....(((Hugs))) to all!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I am all caught up - missed each and every one of you!!!
So - the weekend was a blast. We all arrived close to the same time, and just stayed in the first night catching up. It was great fun and just reaffirmed for me that, "Everybody's got something."
We graduated 35 years ago. Most of us (there were 6) had attended the reunion this past spring/summer. However, I feel so blessed as these lovely ladies were not even my closest friends. One - yes, from first grade on. We had completely lost touch (my fault) and I had not seen her or talked to her in 35 years.
So - what I learned is for anybody who had trouble in HS (probably all of us), time does heal so many things. I was bullied and I was a bully. I played both sides of that game for survival during my schooling. I was not be bestest of friends and I had a huge attitude. I am also an A, and my substance abuse had started before HS - so I was that kid in school that your parents told you to avoid and certainly didn't want at their home...
I feel grateful and blessed to have been invited/included. I feel grateful and blessed to feel a part of and no longer a part from. I was able to use many Al-Anon tools to detach as I listened to many stories of where each was and what they'd been through. We never cried even when we shared who from our class had passed on. Even during heart-break (cancer, divorce, death, etc.)
If anybody has avoided reconnecting with old friends or HS reunions for any reason, I want to tell you that my experience has been beyond positive. I am so glad this program gave me the courage and strength to go beyond my comfort zone and do this!
(((Hugs))) to my family here and thanks to all for encouraging me when fear raised up!!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I have not attended my reunion since the first
one. We had one this year in another state. I
was Not up for the stress, I too have my demons
From high school.
Maybe the next one i will be stronger and more
centered. They do not have them very often, i
Think this is only number 4.
((IAMHere)) I am so glad that it went well and you connected with your classmates. Your courage and wisdom shine thorough , they were fortunate to know you then and now.
Thanks all......one more thing I considered today as I was reviewing.....my perceptions were warped as far back as 'then'. I always felt less than others and as if I wasn't enough as I was. It was so refreshing to be an equal with lovely people and not feel as if I wasn't worthy. I believe part of that is maturity but the biggest contributor is self-love through this program.
My hope is that others who have negative or neutral memories from way back can give a second glance in some form or fashion. I am beyond words grateful that I did!
(((Hugs)))
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
From the very beginning of my journey here you have been such an inspiration to me. I remember my first meeting and all the kind words you spoke to me. I am so happy for you and your weekend with friends.
hugs to you my friend
Debra
-- Edited by Broken513 on Monday 9th of November 2015 09:23:00 PM
Oh....thanks Debra - my experience, strength and hope only exist because others who came before me were kind enough and wise enough to pass it along.
Have a great evening!!!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
