The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thinkjng of the alcoholic in our lives as the big bad one, the one causing all our problems makes a victim out of ourselves and puts them on a high pedestal where they dont really belong. The victim label i gave myself left me feeling hopeless and frustrated, i didnt think i had choices. I felt weak and ashamed. thinking of the drinker as bad, evil, over powering etc meant my view of my world was frightening and distorted.
This thinking sums up the disease of alcoholism for me and has no basis in reality. This was my denial. I learned, through alanon, working the program, that i always had choices. I was never anyones victim. The changes i needed were about me and noone else. The alcoholic had a disease, it was never about them being bad or evil or monsters. They deserved my compassion, forgiveness, kindness and courtesy and so did i.
Putting the people in my life in their rightful, human places has meant fear has gone. I am not a victim. Living in the world as if your in a fairytale with bad and evil is immature and not real. I think immaturity has been at the root of my sickness. Facing the reality, that were all human, all making mistakes, all equal has just removed so many barriers to my progress. Thanks for reading.x
((LC)) Acceptance is the key -- Nice recovery message. Thanks for being here
I would like to add that I could not see this concept until I took the focus off the alcoholic, placed it on myself and became honest enough to stop blaming and judging others and examined my own motives.
I agree with all others above me - a great post ElCee! Thanks for sharing..
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you as well El-cee ... coming to terms with myself and realizing that my AH was not the boogy-man, that he has a disease and it was up to me to make a life for myself outside of self pity is what Al-anon is all about.
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
This is all very insightful and thought provoking for me today. Thank you for your wonderful post el-cee.
I shared earlier in my f2f meeting that I was dwelling today on having the courage to change the things I can. I see in myself the irrational thinking and the blaming and the refusal to take responsibility for the areas of hurt and blame and shame I have forced on my AH so that I can remain the "good" one. I also see many areas of myself that are reflected in my relationships at work and at home that have vast room for improvement. I want to make progress in becoming a better person for myself and others. I need to get out of my own head and start being of better service to others.
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Bethany
"Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be." Abe Lincoln
