The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi, I am new to this forum. I attend al-anon meetings at least once-a-week for the past three weeks and am working the steps, but find myself needing some help/support in-between meetings. My husband and I have a son who is an alcoholic. I now recognize myself as his enabler and codependent that has exacerbated the problem. He is 26 years old and we asked him to leave about 4 weeks ago as he stole something from us for the last time. We have not heard from him since, but though I miss him, I am also relieved to have him gone. Our home is much more peaceful now without the constant chaos, lying, manipulating and such.
I now understand that I was also lying to cover up his alcoholism. I lied due to shame, fear, and especially denial. I helped no one and harmed our familyI now realize that.
By joinging this forum, I hope to gain more insight into how to solve my problems, deal with life and live in the truth with the help of God.
Welcome Paula Glad you have found alanon and are attending meetings. It certainly sounds as if you have grasped some of the main concepts of the program and our interactions with the disease. You are not alone . I too used denial of reality and pretending all was well in order to live my life with my head in the sand :(
Glad alanon offers constructive tools to live by so that as we place principles above personalities we grow in acceptance, honesty, courage and wisdom Keep coming back
Aloha Paula and welcome to the family...You sound so open minded and willing to learn and get better. I liked what you posted and will be looking forward to more. Prayers for your son and spouse and of course you. ((((hugs))))
Paula, while I haven't been in your exact situation, I do have children. And I wanted to share something I just came across in the Al-Anon book Discovering Choices, page 165. A prayer to the Higher Power is "Please take care of my children, whatever that may mean."
So glad you have joined us Paula. I to have an alcoholic child. It is a heart wrenching path to travel. For me it has been a process of surrendering. I have tried to move heaven and earth in an attempt to help her all the while just prolonging the inevitable. It is not easy, I go moment by moment sometimes. I am constantly second guessing my decisions. This I do know. Nothing to date that we have done has altered the outcome. The only thing left is to do nothing about her but focus on me and my peace, health, and other family members. This goes against every fiber of parenting but deep down I know it is necessary for everyone. God gave her to me to raise. I did that with great joy and to the best of my ability and now I have to turn her back to God of my understanding. He knows what is best. I don't. Hugs to you and your family and prayers for all of our young people struggling.
Welcome to MIP Paula - so very glad you joined us and so very glad you found your courage to share.
I have 2 alcoholic boys and it's been a tough road to recovery. One day at a time, I work on me, and trust God to lead me where I can find peace and serenity by doing the next right thing.
I understand about the shame/blame/guilt/etc. It took me a long time to recognize and realize that the path they are on is not my choice, not my fault and certainly not anything I could have projected.
My experience is that I have to remember each morning as I start my day that I am OK, I am worthy and God will heal me. He's not got grand-children, so I trust he will lead them on their journey also. When I just live in the day, life's pretty good. When I begin to consider the future, my mind can go sideways...
Hang in here with us and know you are not alone! Keep coming back!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I welcome you as well and commend you for joining Al-anon, it there that you will, especially while working the 12-steps, discover the answers you seek. I found great peace and serenity when I learned to detach with love. Please keep coming back to talk with us.
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
So glad to hear that you are also attending F2F meetings regularly. I am very blessed to live in an area with so many healthy meetings I can attend. When I was brand new to the program, I was attending 4 of a week. I did that for almost 9 months before trimming back to 2 to open up some time for some other self care activities I discovered I needed to make a priority in my life in addition to AlAnon. I can't imagine that I would be where I am today without F2F meetings, my sponsor, and the fellowship of the program. I too was afflicted with the family disease of alcoholism, and AlAnon F2F meetings were just the medicine I needed to start feeling better.
I am also blessed to have found this site. There is a wealth of experience, strength and hope shared daily on this board, and in addition to my F2F meetings and daily readings, it has become an invaluable resource to aid in my recovery as well. While I personally do not attend the online meetings offered here, I do know that for me, coming to this board, and reading the sharing of others here serves almost like an instant meeting for me. It's sort of my AlAnon Epi-pin!
I hope you find the additional E,S & H shared here just as valuable to your recovery as I have found it to be to mine!
