The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've had a really good week with me and my AW. We've been to counseling and its really going well and she seems to be working her program really well. We had a great weekend together, spending a lot of time and working well together. I struggled at my two FTF meetings with hearing all the horror stories and almost felt guilty for feeling so good. I know things could change at a moments notice so that is one reason to be diligent. I also used the horror stories to put things in perspective for me. To allow me to let the little things just pass by and concentrate on the big things.
I'm also using the time that things are going well to double down on working on myself and my marriage so when adversity hits again, I am a stronger person and can manage better. Any other suggestions on how to handle when things are going well? Both during meetings and just in general. I guess the answer is to just take one day at a time and enjoy each good day for what it's worth. But I find myself thinking along the lines of good days will pass just like bad days pass. I 'd rather use that thinking only when times are tough. :) SO I'm just curious how you all deal with feeling really good. Or am I the only one who overthinks everything?
For me, this is when the discipline of making gratitude lists helps me stay in the present. The good present. It underscores my well-being. I am more likely to re-touch my happiness when later surrounded by unacceptable surroundings. It is then a life-ring. It also helps me to stay away from the rose colored glasses. I am acknowledging real events on my gratitude list. I think it keeps me in reality.
uva, it sounds like working your programs and using other outside resources and are bringing positive results. I'm sorry you're hearing so many horror stories at the two meetings you're attending. I think with time and experience of working the program, the feeling that the other shoes is going to drop eases a bit. There are no guarantees with anything in life but sobriety not only happens but also sticks for people who truly want it. It's no less true for us in Alanon. I think you're right about good and bad days passing but serenity takes the place of fear as we keep working our programs one day at a time.
I find things go best for me when I focus on my own recovery. If your meetings are mostly about sharing war stories, complaining about the alcoholic and hopelessness, you may want to try to find a new meeting or two. I was told by oldtimers when I was new that I needed to share the good things happening in my life and recovery at meetings even when others didn't. If you're in a good place... that's part of your recovery as it is today and that offers hope to others. It's also being true to yourself to share your progress.
As far as suggestions, despite my abf and I both being in recovery in our programs, it's helped us both to just see one another as people and not recovering people. We both know what we need to do to stay well and no one else can do that for us. We do share readings with one another but other than that we just try to live the principles of our programs rather than discussing them endlessly with one another. It allows us to just "be" with each other.
Thank you for sharing your progress with working Alanon. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Thank you. Tired, that really helps to hear that I should share the good times with my groups. I sometimes feel to guilty to follow someone's tough time with a nice story about a great weekend. But it makes sense that maybe those stories are just as important. So I will share next time...if things are still going well. Jill, I have been making gratitude lists so that is good to hear. I make them for myself and me and my AW share gratitude's about each other every Monday. I guess I don't really have a fear that things will go wrong again but maybe a healthy skepticism. Its not destroying my joy but its sitting in the back of my mind....useless. Thank you for the feedback!
uva25 - thanks for your lovely update......I am so happy for you that things are going good! There is nothing wrong with living in the moment and enjoying it for exactly what it is! With or without addiction, relationships and life brings us ups and downs. I agree that making gratitude lists gives us a reference point if we are having a difficult time in the future.
For me, what I've discovered is if I can stay in the present, do program work each day, have structure that includes meetings, sponsor meetings, exercise, walking the dog, work, etc. - if I am living my life by doing the next right thing, those valleys that happen just don't seem to be as devastating. We have tools now that we didn't have before!
So - cherish this moment, and/or this day as we never know what tomorrow will bring. Trust your HP and work your program and know that no matter what's next, you will get through it - you have a program, program friends and a bunch of tools to get through whatever comes your way.
And - yes - this too shall pass applies to positive and less than positive days....sad but true!! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
You're growing so keep duplicating what you have been doing right and what others have been mentoring you with. There is no greater extra power than Higher Power and with my sponsor I also had great results in recovery. Great post. (((hugs)))
Sharing the good stuff brings hope to those not there yet.
I agree Jerry When things are going well, I need to attend meetings to in order maintain my spiritual connection and to share the successful tools that worked for me.
This givws hope and encouragement to all.
