The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
AW was released from jail this morning, and I met her for coffee. She will be staying with her mom for the next year or two. (Of course, she hopes to be "home" as often as possible, while I hope that her probation officer will not allow this.)
It was very clear to me that we are not in agreement about where our relationship is right now. I had been feeling a lot of pressure (internally created and also from my family) to make a decision about divorce this month.
This morning, it became very clear to me that a better tool is "take it easy" - I do not have to know what I want to do right now, and I do not have to act right now. I can take my time, set my boundaries, and wait until I know what I want to do. This clarity was extremely helpful to me. It gives me time and space to decide what I need, and to make sure that I am taking care of my needs. It gets me out of the kind of thinking that I had been stuck in: "decide now how things will be for the rest of your life and hope you don't make the wrong choice." It helps me to sit back and think things trough before deciding on an action. And, for the first time, I am comfortable with "I don't know how I feel about that right now. I need more time" as an answer.
I am thankful to AlAnon for all of these healthy tools.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Skorpi - so glad that she's out and you two got together. How grand to hear that you were able to use your tools and speak your truth. I am one who used to think I was 'weak' when I was indecisive about things. I've since changed my stance and often believe that more time does help me make better choices. After all, we do have to live with the outcome and for me - I am not getting any younger.
I applaud you for putting you first. Watching you grow has been a gift to me and I'm so grateful to be able to watch your path of recovery!
(((Hugs))) to you and may you continue your path and self-care! It wears very well on you!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
You are Sounding good skorpi. My situation just eventually
played itself out. It did not end how i wanted it to.
My head has loads of information its my heart and Soul that
act and think different. They seem to be very be very resistant
To healthy thinking.
It all takes time no rush. No one can tell you what to do about
Your marriage that is a personal decision. I refused to discuss
My divorce with my mother. I Kept it need to know only.
Families mean well they are thinking of you, You are thinking
about her. Round and around we go!
A saying I love and have used in the past and am using, yet, again is "today my decision is to make no decision." It had helped me so much because I have found when a decision was ready to be made it didn't feel so scary, but was more so just the clear next step. I decided to stay with my AH in 2011 when I was first using this saying. I would wake up in the morning and decide whether to put my wedding ring on. Eventually it felt okay to just leave it on all the time. I felt a decision to live with him again and to stay married. This was my story, everyone's is different. I am using this saying again after my AH Has had a relapse. I am deciding to make no decision today on whether or not we will stay living together forever. I am just deciding daily if he is safe to be in our home. It's such a wicked disease. Keep focusing on your program. Get busy into activities that you enjoy. Decisions will come easy when they're ready to be made.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
Great work Skorpi I was reminded of the alanon slogan:" Do not just do something, sit there" as I read your message. More will be revealed in time. Keep coming back.
The PO did set rules that allow my wife to come home on the weekends. I have decided that HP is giving me the opportunity to see what life is like with her and without her on a weekly basis for further clarity.
I also decided to use this weekend as an opportunity to practice using my AlAnon tools in a more immediate fashion.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Skorpi - you will do just fine!! Positive vibes heading your way for a great weekend...
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Great 