The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Good morning all,The ODA T reading for today, October 15 speaks about the importance of not giving advice a to each other or to newcomers. It offers examples of the new person entering the rooms, needing to share their confusion, anger and resentment about living with the disease of alcoholism.
It suggests that we too can identify with this confusion because the disease is devastating to everyone's emotional health. Prior to program ,we too were angry and frustrated and did not realize we were contributing to our pain by confronting, arguing, snooping, engaging with the disease at every turn.
The reading stresses the importance of allowing someone the dignity and the right to let go of the negative reactions and learn to respond in a healthy fashion. This cannot be accomplished if we tell people what to do, or if we jump to conclusions as to a person, situation and give advice.
The best we can do is to listen, share our own ESH, offer Al-Anon tools and urge the person to keep coming back because there is hope.
The reading closes reminding us of the eighth. Tradition; "Al-Anon 12 step work should remain forever nonprofessional."
I love how Al-Anon reinforces its principles with rational discussions at every turn. I was always one for giving advice and telling people what to do, becoming angry when they did not do it, until I entered Al-Anon and realized how offensive and invasive that form of communication truly was. I learned that everyone is different .We can seek out our similarities, share our experiences and allow others the dignity to process the information and make the decision. What a gift this truly is
Thank you Betty for the share and the ESH! This reading makes perfect sense to me on paper, however, I've seen at times some old-timers debate on what is advice, what is cross-talk and what is/is not allowed. It has not happened often, maybe 2 times in 4-6 years but it is a distraction from the intended principals of the program.
Coming from the other side first, this concept was hard for me to grasp. We freely give advice and examples and suggestions in AA meetings. Most closed topic meetings begin with a member bringing up a problem/situation and then rest in the room direct their ESH to that person aligning as best as possible with the steps/program.
This difference made me step back from Al-Anon for a while as I had fear of 'messing up' and overstepping just out of habit. It took me a while to realize I could go, listen and learn and observe and 'get the mojo' and message. I will say that I do my best inside and outside the program to give choices vs. advice as I am not walking in another's shoes. I do not know what is best for another - I often struggle with what's best for me....and I am walking in my own shoes.
Have a marvelous day and love the new avatar photo!!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks for your ESH I am here I so agree . It is a fine line we walk as we attempt to unlearn many old ways. Listening to learn at first worked for me as well.
You are very observant and kind . The picture is of Disney characters. I was sitting in a chair surrounded by them as I attempted to relax/recover after a tour.:0
Have a good day.
Betty - your smile is contagious and shows me your joy! The background just brings me joy - after all....I am a huge kid at heart!!! I love little woodstock on the right - he looks like an angel flying around ya!!!
Blue is a gr8 color for you girl!!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
That is one of my favorite things about Al-Anon is that it doesn't give advice and tell others what to do. It is very helpful to me though when others share their personal experiences and what worked for them and what has not. That is why I particularly like the message board because people do just that. Sometimes during the meetings online I do feel hesitant to offer ESH for fear of crossing the line of advice giving.
I have found this the most challenging at meetings because I'm often looking for advice. And I don't get it lol. But I have found it helpful to listen in my f2f meetings and I think that is what I need right now. To hear how those working the program use it. I am also afraid i will cry and i just dont want to be the only one crying in these meetings. I am fortunate to be the only newbie among a group of seasoned people in alanon but sometimes I just don't know what to share. I will keep going back and struggling through it.
KT2015 - I cried in several of my first Al-Anon meetings. I have cried since then too. Members do understand the pain of living with this disease and in m experience, nobody has ever judged me for crying/sharing or not sharing. The sharing is 100% optional and if/when you are ready, it will be just fine!!!
(((Hugs))) to you - keep doing what you are doing!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
TU