The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I really hate this disease. I had become comfortable in the sober world. 1 year, 2 years, 3 years.... I thought she had this thing under control. But no. Yesterday I got the call that she was at the bar. Had been drinking for 3 days. Now today. Sober again. And all she can do is cry. What a waste she says. What a stupid move she says. I do not say anything. I feel very numb. My AW has a horrible habit of ruining a good thing. I believe she loves the attention. She would deny that. But that is what it appears to be to me.
It is hard to be mad at her today when she is all sobbing and upset at herself. However, I feel like the lies and the deceit is killing me slowly. We have been married 2 years. And I honestly do not know how much longer I can do this. Ride this rollercoaster. We have been together 8 years. She has relapsed 3 times. Each time for just a day or two. Always remorseful.
It makes me feel so hurt. Angry. Lonely. And so very disappointed.
I am so sorry for the pain you are experiencing. I really do believe though that any alcoholic who relapses is ten times more sorry,upset, disgusted with themselves then we could ever be. I also believe that there is some learning on both sides at every relapse. I know that does not make it any easier for you when it does happens, but relapse does not erase the three years of sobriety she obtained. My thoughts are with you during this trying time. You are not alone.
Hey Tay - I am so glad you posted your truth and so sorry for the anx. & pain you and she are experiencing....
Be grateful that her slips have been short-lived - I'm a double-winner and most I know who go back out never return and we have attended many funerals in the last 28 years.
Nope - this is not what you signed up for. But powerlessness over the disease and surrendering to it might help you continue to support her. I fully understand hating the disease - I say to myself often how much I hate this disease but love my sons....
(((Hugs))) for you both! You are not alone!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I can relate to your post so much because my AH had three and a half years sober. Relapsed in April for two weeks. Then he was back to meetings and relapsed again in August. It's exhausting. I've been in alanon for four years but I did things this past month that I would have done before ever entering the rooms. I relapsed right along with him and it was horrible. I reacted, said cruel things to him, forgot completely that its a disease and treating him like a bad boy, etc, etc. I feel remorseful now but mainly humbled. My higher power is showing me to let go again, to put my will in his hands once more. I am grateful for the strength my higher power has shown me is inside me. I'm not thrilled how it had to happen. I'm 9 months pregnant so it's been a rough time for me emotionally with all this. We are in this together. Keep sharing, get to as many meetings as you can. It helps to know we aren't alone in this that others are going through very similar situations.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
Welcome Tay Alcoholism is a chronic,progressive disease that can be arrested and never cured. AA and alanon are one day at a time programs so that if she slipped she can jump right back into her meetings, call her sponsor and and begin again . My son relapsed after 13 years and I so understand your anxiety and pain.
Please search out alanon face to face meetings and attend. It is here I received support and tools that enabled me to learn to focus on myself, live one day at a time and accept life on life's terms
My ex-AH had a very similar pattern: long periods of sobriety, then relapses. Each time I thought, "This better be the sobriety that 'takes.'"
Eventually I realized - just in my particular situation - that this was his pattern. Sober, big binge. Sober for a long time, big binge. Sober for a very long time, big binge. Sober for a shorter time, big binge. As the saying goes, "When a person shows you who they are, believe them."
My therapist said, "This is who he is. Are you okay with that? Some people would be, some wouldn't be." I wasn't. I kept hoping for real longterm sobriety. The binges took a big toll on me. But in the case of my AH, he never did the changing and working the program harder to get to the real sobriety.
No one can say what your own situation is but you and your A. I hope you'll take good care of yourself.
