The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Good morning Debbie, thanks for this important topic-- prior to Al-Anon I always thought that making amends was saying, "I'm sorry". I had no problem saying "I'm sorry "and apologized for everything, even when it was not my responsibility.
Working the Steps in Al-Anon I discovered that making amends meant much more than merely I'm sorry. I needed to own my motives, attitudes and actions to myself and another, determine my part . Then with the help of HP, change my inner attitude, expectations, and actions in order to reflect my new found principle. Not an easy task was so well worth it. I found that stopping, criticizing ,judging, gossiping and self-righteousness really helped in this endeavor.
I must note that I am a work in progress and every night, I do a 10th step to check my motives and to make amends where I need to on a daily basis.
Amends for me is more about what I do than what I say. Owning my part, working to be a different part and striving to be a better person helps me with the amends I owe me.....after all, it seems that I let myself down far more than many others, and cheated myself out of happiness and joy when I had my efforts, emotions, actions and attitudes wrapped up in fixing and controlling my qualifiers & more!
My amends to other does include ownership and a discussion if possible. I have to keep in the front of my mind that I can't control another persons acceptance or rejection nor can I control their actions/reactions. Not everyone is working a program and not everyone seeks joy. The amends is about clearing my path of debris and destruction so I can walk a new journey free of unnecessary baggage and 'stuff'.
What I find is that even though I want to shed the past and move forward, others may not be ready to. Even though I want a better today, others may not want that. This journey is about my destiny, my journey and my peace. Letting my HP lead others is a huge part of amends too.
Thanks Debb for the daily and thanks for your service. I believe just for today I will do 'my next right thing'!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
