I always found my relationship with my XAH and the kids very unbalanced in terms of I do the work and he would just try and slide in and take credit .. lol. Or I couldn't get a break. I started having a plan B in place and it worked well for me however I know that's not always possible. Now that my kids are older it makes a big difference. My X still doesn't come close to pulling his parenting weight. Sooo .. I just go with it and realize I'm the one who is getting the benefits of time spent with the kids. It's one of those deals that he will have even more regrets that I'm sure he will blame me for .. reality is .. the kids see that's not true. He can try and rewrite the past, present and future .. as long as nothing changes nothing changes.

I hope you will find a way to heal and take some time for yourself even if you can't take a week at least take a day here or a day there .. you deserve that and so does your family .. biggest reason .. happy mom is a much better mom .. while this situation is not ideal .. you can take time before making decisions and be in a very healthy place. The good news is nothing motivates change like pain and/or anger .. just make sure that the choices you are making are the best for you.

Hugs S :)

(((Beacheemom))) - so sorry for the resentments you have - those affected with alcoholism are selfish and self-centered, and it can be hurtful and frustrating. What I've come to see is I have far more peace when they do their own thing than when I try to restrict or control them....it stinks and it's so not fair, but it's just the reality of this disease.

The serenity prayer was a hugely helpful tool when I was raising my boys 'alone' with a husband. Over and over and over again many days, sometimes all day long. I did come to realize and accept that my kids did not ask for 'this' and I needed to do the best I could to be happy and provide them a joyful home.

I agree with Debb - engaging and getting in the middle of the Al-Anon program is a great way to help yourself get through this.

Know that we're just a post away and you are not alone.

I can completely relate. I always felt that my XAH was the most selfish person on the face of the planet. He was dry for 15 years of our marriage and didn't pick up the bottle until a few years ago, but the behaviors and attitudes were always there. I just didn't realize it was alcoholism. I thought it was immaturity, irresponsible, and selfish among other things.

Al Anon has helped me see how I contributed to our problems, though, and it's helped me work through my resentments. Well, program has helped but my sponsor has been my life line. I learned that I was accepting unacceptable behavior. I learned that I was a people pleaser and that I put others before myself and my own needs. I learned that, although I put on a good front in front of the country club crew and people always thought I was sweet and kind and compassionate, underneath that exterior was a woman who was filled with resentment and anger and that I was about to blow. If you had told me a few years ago that I was an angry person or critical or judgmental or controlling, I'd have slapped you upside the head and said, "What the heck are you talking about? That's not me at all!" But, you know what? It was me. I was those things and my dysfunction from living with alcoholism is what brought it about. I didn't want to be those things, but I learned slowly and through step work and through the kindness of my sponsor and friends in program, that I had a lot of work to do on myself. So, I started putting the focus on me, on what I needed to fix within myself, and I stopped focusing on the alcoholic in terms of watching his every move or taking everything he did or didn't do personally or as an act of defiance against me.

Today, I am in a healthy relationship with a man who is emotionally stable, financially stable, a great dad to his kids, engaged in his community and church, and who seems to care a great deal for me, but I've learned that my relationships won't make or break me. I've learned that I need to always look at me and my part and to let others be who they need to be and to let them show up as best as they can. I've learned that I can see people the way that God sees them, and then I can choose whether this relationship is good for me or not. I learned that I have choices and that God can't work with me if I don't take some steps for myself first.

Trying to talk to an alcoholic and reason with the unreasonable is like trying to nail jello to a tree. I learned not to waste my breath. I did the best damage control I could with my son and I learned to let go and let God. Hugs to you. I know where you are. I've been there just 2 years ago myself!

The moral of my story! I have the same story! I was afraid to do what I wanted! Now I do exactly what I want to do! After reading the article that it is a brain disease I am going to have my disease too! I am only thinking
of my family and myself!
I think I am going to start having the time of my life without him. Really he is not thinking of me at all! He has his agenda! My agenda is to get out of his way!
It is sad but the only way to live with an A is to forget about him!