The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My brother (the oldest) went interstate for a few months recently for work. He seemed to enjoy it and I was excited for him as he suffers from pretty severe OCD and anxiety and doesn't leave my mother's house other than to work, usually. (He's 30). He works all day and then drinks in front of his computer all night, rinse and repeat every day. He has TERRIBLE social anxiety. So going interstate was a huge deal and I was thrilled for him.
Anyway he got back last week and it coincided with my parents returning from a 6 week trip to Europe, so on Sunday (yesterday) I made arrangements with my mother that she would get my daughter from her fathers weekend stay and I would go to her house and have dinner ready to enjoy before heading home so that we could all catch up. It sounds complicated but it's a really tidy arrangement when we do it as she goes past that way to visit my grandmother and it shaves about 2 hours off my journey, plus I know she really enjoys having a bit of one-on-one time with my daughter.
Well when I got there brother was sitting in front of the TV watching some sport or another, I think it was the bikes, and when I walked in he was super excited and shouting. I didn't twig right away that he was drunk; he doesn't slur or anything and he's very different from the other alcoholics in my life; I believe he is what they call a "happy drunk" which is a bit of an odd concept to me really. But basically he doesn't get angry, he just talks a lot and makes weird jokes.
Anyway I've never seen him this drunk. Normally brother the first is very sarcastic, rude and cynical and when he gets drunk he warms up and becomes gregarious and to be honest I prefer him sober and mean because at least I know it's really him. But this time around he was really bad and overwhelming. When mum got back with my daughter I served dinner and no-one could enjoy eating because J was yelling weird jolly tripe and dominating everyone's conversation. He was sitting next to me and kept shouting "so what is this? is it MEAT????" (I don't eat meat so of course not). His breath was so alcoholic I was concerned that if I sat there any longer he would pickle me. And after every bite, "Oh sis, this is S$%$ as aways! What is it? Is it MEAT????"
So as I was packing up my stuff to leave, in a rush because he was really making me feel stressed, middle brother came home and saw what was going on and had a quiet word to me about how J "shouldn't be getting that drunk" and gave me a hug and an 'I'm sorry we can catch up next time". Then in the car to the train station my mother talked about how much it stresses her to have to deal with a drunk son when her dad was an alcoholic and she shouldn't have to deal with drunks at this stage of her life.
It took me 3 hours to get home and when I arrived middle brother had managed to get pickled himself and started facebook messaging me about how much he hates himself and wanting me to agree that when god made him god must have been drunk (which is a stupid conversation anyway because middle brother is a die-hard athiest) and then mother started messaging me, also as drunk as a skunk by then and wanting to drunk rant and tell me over and over how much she is distressed by her drunk sons and how terrible it is to be sressed by alcoholics in ther family..
Sigh.
Now recently I made a new friend (I thought) in a local community group who has messaged me a few times on facebook and one time he was obviously drunk and said he "loves me" (I barely know him). The next day he said he was 'just kidding" and I knew he had been drunk and felt sorry for him so I ignored it. Tonight he's messaged me again that he loves me, nay is IN love with me (wtf?) and when I told him that i appreciated his words but I am not interested in any kind of romance he's messaged me with furious anger and told me that he is telling everyone who knows me that i am a nasty man eating B%%%% who leads men on and the breaks their hearts. He is plastering this all over facebook and telling everyone I know including copies of our very brief text conversations. It's pretty insane and I can't do anything to stop him now although i have of course unfriended and blocked him.
And my instinct is to feel sorry for him! Because he will feel really bad about it tomorrow!
I don't usually befriend strangers by the way or make friends with them on facebook but we had a few laughs and it seemed pretty innocent. I sure as hell never led him on.
Sigh.
I need my program right now and I'm very, very grateful to have it. And for all of you people that make up this program; thank you, thank you, thank you.
(((everyone)))
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
(((MissM))) - all I can say is holy he!!.......It is this drama and chaos that I work as hard as possible to avoid! Kudos to you for not engaging and taking the action you could (going home and blocking the dude on facebook).
Huge hugs to ya and positive thoughts from my world to yours!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Crazytown! It sounds like you took the train straight out wonderful.
Now that I have awareness of alcoholism (which I didn't growing up, since my family weren't alcoholics), I see that it is all around. And those alcoholics use up their friends with their antics, so they're looking for more people to glom on to. So I think the chances of being wannabe friended or befriended by alcoholics is pretty high. It's even more stressful when they're in our own family, of course. But you got the heck out of Crazytown!
