Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

Theoceancalls · Senior Member

I come to you to say MY life is unmanageable

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm so sorry this is happening. It sounds so painful and I suspect it is a pain we all are sadly familiar with. There is hope. I have felt just as you describe, as if I'm so deep in a maze that I'll never find my way out of it and am utterly exhausted from wandering and despairing. And as someone on these boards wrote earlier, if you've walked 100 miles into the woods, you don't walk out in a day. But you do walk to where it's gradually lighter and lighter and easier and easier and one day you do look around and everything is different and better. That's my experience.

What a therapist once told me, which I've found to be encouragingly true, is that when we're having a specially hard time, it's because we don't have enough support. (I used to assume it was because I wasn't trying hard enough or I was incapable or it was some other way my fault.) You've come here for support which is excellent. Do you have a meeting? Those of us trying to deal with the insanity of alcoholism need all the support we can get, because heaven knows it isn't easy. If you have a meeting, do you have a sponsor? The people in the rooms can be closer friends than many others because they understand what we're dealing with and don't throw out those easy bromides like "Well just leave then" or "Surely it's not that bad" or those other things that well-meaning but uninformed people can say.

Once we have some support systems in place we can get our equilibrium back and then start to make a plan about how to handle the insanity, to detach with love, to cultivate our serenity, and to make our lives the best they can be. That takes all kinds of different forms. But one thing at a time. It sounds like the first thing you need to do is to reduce your load and get into a place of emotional respite. That's what we all need. Meetings, readings, reading through these threads? I hope you will take very good care of yourself. Hugs.

Debb · ~*Service Worker*~

I am sorry that you are going through this difficult time.

{{Theoceancalls}}, I agree with Mattie, you can only work on one thing at a time
and keep the focus on you and your program. When you look at everything you do
not like, it becomes very overwhelming. When was the last time you sat down
and wrote a gratitude list? Are you involved in a local Al-anon group?

Admitting that I am powerless and relying on my HP is the best way to handle
this grand funk you are in right now.

Also, when I look back on all, what I consider, my mistakes and failures, then
lump those into all my worries and anxieties for the future, now I have really
caused problems for myself. Gotta keep the focus on the present, and work
at one day, one thing atta a time, and on the program.

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((((Hugs)))))))) I hear you.

Sharing your prayers for rest and recuperation Oceancalls. I'm doing my best to send sea breezes to kiss your cheeks and sparkling waters to refresh your eyes, lots of love. ((((and more hugs))))!

a4l · ~*Service Worker*~

Oh ocean. Painful indeed. You are not alone, those awful feelings I remember and all the stuff that comes with it. When I was at my lowest and feeling crazy, I read something by toby rice drew, author of getting them sober. She said, "very few people could stay sane in your house". I also swap out sane for happy. And living with an alcoholic, its all too true.reading that releived me a tiny bit. Tiny bits lead to more. Please don't be hard on yourself. It may seem a mess, but there is a way through. Odaat was so hard I started with one hour. For one hour I would not think about him. For one hour id fake it till I felt it, it being simply the moment I was in, out of my four walls. Meetings online till I got brave. Hang in there, keep coming back, You are precious and worth it.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

(((OCM))) I have been there and do understand. I was overcome and frozen with "FEAR" and every choice looked too difficult. I could always justify staying in the insanity rather than risk any change When i prayed for courage and wisdom I was given the courage to stand up for myself and son and walk away trusting HP. The fear really proved to be" false evidence appearing real "-- When I left, found a job, hubby realized I was serious and did look at himself and recovery.
Please keep praying, make you asset list and know you deserve to be happy and have a smiling face as well.

Michelle814 · ~*Service Worker*~

My heart breaks for you. There is not much to say except if you can get to as many f2f al anon meetings as you can. I am praying deeply for your whole family now.

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Ocean))) -

I too hear your pain. I too have felt that utter despair where nothing at all seems worth doing and everything appears utterly impossible. There are some lovely suggestions above me - and I just wanted to say that we are here for you.

I agree that many have probably been where you are. I see that you've stated Step 1 is where you are at. I applaud your ability to align your current place with a step of the program. To me, that's hopeful, even if you don't see it. I am one who has to 'see progress' to 'feel it', so when the pain is greater than my program (and we have those moments), I have no choice but to rely on Steps 1-2-3.

My sponsor always suggests when I am swirling around that maybe I should do just 1 productive thing today. That can be as simple as opening the mail, cleaning a closet or cleaning a room. One small thing can bring about a sense of accomplishment which in turn eases my messy mind.

Huge hugs for you today and prayers coming from my way to you! Keep coming back!

Jazzie18 · Senior Member

I don't have too much to add beside for you to know that you are not alone in this. I am praying for you and your daughter.

youfoundme · ~*Service Worker*~

You aren't alone. Alanon can help, as well as reading Getting Them Sober. Also no one in alanon tells anyone to leave, that's up to you to decide... In getting them sober she says you can leave for an hour, a day a week or whatever or not at all. Mainly taking care of you and your daughter is what's important. I am learning lots coming back to alanon just the last two weeks. I also go to a CBT therapist and we are going to marriage counseling... One moment at a time

mvg · Member

So sorry you are going thru this. Thanks you for sharing,keep coming back.
(Hugs)

Optimist · Member

I am sorry for you and your daughter. On difficult nights, I sit and read through the postings on this site. I always find words that help me find a bit of inner peace. I wish the same for you.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene