The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
We are getting ready to have a debate in one of our classes,I won't go into the topic,but I feel very strongly about my position.It is something that does relate to the recent passing of my ex.It is a controversial subject and I don't know if I am even ready to talk about it,it has something to do with drugs.It is a good size class and only 3 others have the same opinion as mine.We touched on the topic today in class and there is one girl who is more about arguing than debating points.I found myself getting angry,although I didn't say anything.I guess I am anxious about coming across too aggressive,while I want to make my points I certainly don't want enemies in class,school is where I need to go and be comfortable.Any suggestions for keeping my emotions out of it,or is that possible?
Well I think that I would use my Al-anon tools. There are two that come to mind. Say what you mean, mean what you say but do not say it meanly and Place principles above personalities. If the discussion becomes to heated then I would take a step back, but that is just how I would handle a heated debate. My personal opinions are just that, personal, if I have to get into anything unfriendly to make my point then it serves no purpose, but to create anger, frustration and anxiety. {{HUGS}}
Sending you best wishes for a productive debate!!
-- Edited by Debb on Thursday 8th of October 2015 06:29:14 PM
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
I agree with Debb - pull your tools out and take them with you as well as your HP.
For me, I enjoy a healthy debate. I don't like a dramatic argument. If facts are presented for each side of the topic, it's easier to keep the focus on track. If it gets heated, my rules for right-sizing the discussion are usually, 1) Can we return to facts for this debate? and/or 2) What is your source?
If you debate allows opinions, they should be coined as such. If they don't, you can shut those down respectfully.
For your own control, it always helps me to write down my facts. That gives me a black/white visual of what's allowed vs. my feelings which for this exercise as not relevant.
Good luck - sounds like a challenge....if you arm yourself with your tools, I believe you will do just fine!
(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
M some of our tools are compassion, understanding, empathy, open mindedness and such. My early sponsor had one word for me regarding conversations with oppositional people..."Listen"!! and then I am reminded of the closing statement to our face to face meetings that reminds me "to keep and open mind so I can find help". I would like to hear how this comes out for you; what you did and how it resulted and what they did and how you responded (rather than reacted). I most always love your shares here in our MIP home and can't imagine you being different anywhere else. Good luck and Love anyways. ((((hugs))))
I really like what others have suggested mjferg. Using QTIP quit taking it personally if you find yourself in the midst of opposing viewpoints could be helpful. If you take the personalization out of it - ie: exah's death and just focus on the topic without identifying your own personal experience with it, it might keep your emotions more on an even keel.
Keep an Open Mind would be helpful for me and has been in these situations. I like to examine the opposite viewpoint to get more of a perspective of my own thinking and just what it is I'm defending. Is it credible? Backing things with credible evidence is the best agrument instead of becoming emotional. For me that means thorough preparation and being prepared to answer questions based on evidence rather than having an emotional knee jerk reaction from projection of my life events into the discussion. Using theories and published evidence minus the personalization to my own life has helped me to stay better focused on the topic itself and the possibility of just maybe seeing some unchartered territory concerning that topic with fresh eyes.
Best of luck with your presentation. If you do your research, I'm betting you'll keep your serenity. ((((hugs)))) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
