The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Every night is the same. I sleep only a couple of hours and then my mind starts racing. What am I missing? What could I say? Do? What would turn my son's situation around? How much worse is it going to get? Do I kick him out? Would that help him hit his bottom or would I lose him? I've been sitting here reading other peoples' stories. I feel angry. Dealing with an A is so unfair. Trying to be Optimistic but, at this moment, I just feel empty.
-- Edited by Optimist on Thursday 8th of October 2015 04:08:52 AM
Optimist, I am so sorry that you are going through this. We have found a way to cope with what you are dealing with and it is to join an Al-anon group and work the 12-step program, learn the slogans, prayers and meditations. There is is hope, understanding, clarity, peace and serenity for you. Wishing you well and please keep coming back.
-- Edited by Debb on Thursday 8th of October 2015 04:31:02 AM
__________________
"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
Optimist, I too have spent countless hours in worry and fear. I still am constantly wishing, hoping, praying that my son (who's 28) will finally begin living his life as an adult! I have FINALLY found the courage to cut off funds and let him take control of his own life, suffer the normal consequences for his actions.
Right now, I think he is very close to "hitting bottom". He's homeless, has been in and out of jail, has no possessions, uses heroin/alcohol whenever he gets money.
He has several options now for getting help, it's up to him. He knows that I have realized that no matter how much I want sobriety for him, until he wants it for himself, it won't happen!
Change is SO difficult for anyone. The addict must want a better life enough to fight for it!
Optimist - I can relate and agree that night-time does seem to be the hardest for me. I don't know if it's because I am more still or not but I have found that when I am restless with the wondering mind, that's the best time to turn to the literature. Most of it leaves me feeling relieved and in a better place - it often helps me sleep when I struggle.
The program gives us many tools to deal with all kinds of issues/events/things/habits.....my sleepless nights are way fewer than ever and for that, I am grateful.
(((Hugs))) to you - recovery in Al-Anon can arm you with necessary support & tools to get through everything and anything. I was a skeptic in the beginning but everything else I tried did not work - I had nothing left to do/try!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
As hard as it is to accept, he may need to get worse before he's ready to get better.
My son is 28 and has struggled with drugs and alcohol off and on since he was a teen. We have tried many things including rehab. So far he has relapsed every time. He is literally down to nothing! Homeless, no job, no possessions nothing but somehow rejects the offers to get treatment. When he's in jail or otherwise forced to be sober, he's all for getting help but as soon as he has the opportunity to use, he does! I have stopped sending money since I know that he has food (ebt card ) and healthcare.
I have made it clear to him that I love him no matter what is going on in his life. Because I love him and have come to grips with my enabling, I won't do anything that will contribute to his addiction. I will only support efforts to get sober. It's still REALLY hard. Especially on the days when I can't get in touch with him. As a mom, I can never give up on him, ever! He knows that I love him and understands my position.
Stay strong and try to take care of yourself! Keep coming back here. It helps to know that you are not alone
optimist I too can relate to the sleepless nights, waking up repeatedly with fear and worry in my brain. The funny thing is my sleep has improved somewhat and my AD has gotten worse. I attribute the improvement to using some of the tools of Alanon to cope. I know one particular thing I do each night is to say a prayer for her to keep her safe and to have her hp guide her on her path. I also give thanks to her hp for having watched over her to this point. I also say a prayer for myself to keep me strong and loving through this and to be the best person I can be in this world and to show me what I need to do each and every day. I am powerless, god is not.
-- Edited by serenity47 on Wednesday 14th of October 2015 10:16:35 PM
